Boyfriend says he loves a fiesty woman

[oilpalette]

I am the complete opposite!
His previous partners (I know them) are fiesty, no nonsense type women who are never afraid to speak their mind ( which I really admire ). In their relationships , the disagreed by shouting and screaming according to him. My worst nightmare.

One of them can be quite nasty however and if she wants something, she will get it no matter who she hurts to get it.( think setting her sights on a mm and stopped at nothing until she got him)
I am not timid nor am I shy but I couldn't think of anything worse that having shouting matches with people or loudly exclaiming my consumer rights in shops, demanding and threatening behaviour towards service providers.
His mother and sisters are all very strong women also who hold no prisoners.
I expect he will get bored with me soon .
Thoughts?

What do you respond with when he says it? What context did he say it in?

Knee him in the balls then and call him an arsehole. He'll be over the moon.

The women that he admires on tv/ music/ arts/ work are fiesty and put up with no nonsense. He likes angry women.
It's hard to explain.

When he says something about them, I respond by saying .. but she is bitchy or nasty to whatever person in whatever context.

Strong women don't shout at or threaten service workers, go after married men, or scream and shout to get their own way. Your boyfriend likes toxic and obnoxious women.

But he is not toxic or obnoxious and I am the opposite of those women.
Doesn't say much for him !

Agreed. Also why tell you he likes something that isn't one of your personality traits?

He doesn't tell me directly. It's his reactions to fiesty women.
I think he loves the challenge but he won't get that from me !

He likes them 'spirited' does he? Ew, vom!

He reminds me of a man I know who likes them teeny tiny and petite, and quiet and mousy. And another man I know who won't entertain a woman who swears, has tattoos, and who talks back (PMSL!) He is almost always single - shocker

Give him a challenge by telling him how you love a certain manly trait that he doesn’t have...

I don’t think you have to be bitchy to be feisty - although you may be. In my mind feisty can be having a spirited debate about a subject and potentially supporting an unpopular view eg pro “ remain” in a room of people who voted to leave. Not accepting poor standards of service, saying no to certain requests. None of it has to be done in a rude way. I personally dislike bitchy people who seem to think rudeness and “ telling it like it is” is a value to be admired. I also dislike passive people who lack personality and have no discernible opinion on important issues. The men I’ve known who like feisty women are usually aspiring Alpha types who like to have someone challenge their ( imaginary) authority a bit. I’d say there is a bit of “spark” and healthy debate but I wouldn’t say massive arguments would fall into that camp for me.

Feisty is a sexist word. Does a man who is confident and speaks his mind get called it? It’s a name men give women who they think aren’t acting like women should

Some people enjoy screaming and shouting

in fact, some relationships seem to thrive on it

I can't abide it

if he can't tolerate someone who sorts things out quietly, then perhaps you are not a good match.

'Feisty' is such a wanky word. And his exes/family members sound like unpleasant cunts. Same as twats who describe themselves as 'not suffering fools gladly'. Bunch of fucking teaspoons, all.

My boyfriend says similar and has had fairly toxic relationships in the past. I’m similar to you. He values that I’m (quietly) independent and have opinions. We have lasted well over his longest previous relationship so I don’t think it’s an issue necessarily. Maybe just chat to him about it and be honest. It may be that he sees certain traits you have as equally attractive or what works with him. My dp says he’d still like me to order him about more but I’m not convinced he’s be keen on that in practice!

Yea but they are his exes so maybe he wants something different?

Sums it up.

If he gets tired of you, I’d take that as a mark of your good character. Please move on.

Get a man who actually cares for you and loves you. Something original!

In my experience, women who describe themselves as feisty are an unholy ball ache, usually of the "I tell it like it is" variety. I'm not a fan of men using it as a descriptor for women either.

Your partners exes sound unpleasant and tiring tbh. He obviously likes you for a reason though, maybe because you're much easier to get along with?

You can't change your personality to suit someone else.
Your partner is with you now, just enjoy the relationship and stop worrying about it.

Was this a rebound for him? How long have you been together?

Far too much drama. This isn't being feisty, it's dysfunction and it's what he's used to. He's got an unhealthy view of what a good relationship is.

Thoughts?

You are incompatible. Why spend any more time on this relationship that you will not get back.

All I could think reading your opening post was ”why would anyone like people like them”?
They sound awful and exhausting.
Do not change or think that you have to be like them.

I hate the word feisty. As PP said, it's sexist. He's probably just hinting about sex, wants you to dominate him. 🙄