No I don’t want a FWB!

[SpinningFloppa]

Am I the only one who doesn’t see the appeal, I’ve been single for 5 years, I would like to date again at some point but for a few reasons this is not possible, people keep suggesting a “FWB” and I just have no interest in that at all and don’t see the appeal, I don’t have any male friends for a start and meeting a fwb online is more just a FB let’s be honest, I’ve had them in the past when I was younger and before children but always felt rubbish about it and used, I am also someone that develops feelings and it was never reciprocated and I couldn’t stand the thought of being good enough to sleep with but not good enough to be in a relationship with (not saying anyone else who has a fwb should feel that way as if you don’t want a relationship either then that would be fine but I do) am I the only one who doesn’t see the appeal? I think they can be great if it’s with someone that’s genuinely a friend but at the same time it still wouldn’t be for me.

Lots of people don’t see the appeal - if you don’t want a fwb then don’t have one!

very easy to remain single or only date with a view for long term relations?

I had one recently….never again. I developed feelings and he didn’t but then I continued on for a bit and just felt not good enough. I’ve stopped it now 😔

Only I’ve found people quite pushy if you say you don’t want one they can’t understand why! I don’t know if it’s because They think you are judging them? I’m not but I get oh but this but that, recently when I said to someone I don’t want one as I develop feelings easily I got told it’s easy not to get feelings and they don’t even kiss their fwb so they don’t develop any feelings.

I’ve never really understood the concept if I’m honest. An ideal relationship to me is a best mate, who you also have sex with. I suppose the difference is exclusivity and commitment? But to me, I think a relationship without those things would make me feel a bit undervalued, so it’s not for me either.

If the appeal isn't obvious then no issue not having one.

Yuck. That just implies these people think you are simply sexually frustrated. I can satisfy my needs by myself.
Surely the point of a romantic partner is the romance? I'd want someone I enjoy being with, plan a future with, care about deeply. Not just a body with required working parts.

Basically, I posted on a single mums group just basically saying how low I feel about being a single mum and how it’s not how I imagined my life to be and all I got was comments about getting myself a fwb because that will make me “feel better” yeh because that’s really the same as having a partner 🙄 I never once implied that’s what I wanted, I miss having a partner and having a family but apparently a fwb would make me feel better

We’re all different in what we’re looking for. There’s nothing wrong in suggestions being made but ultimately you do you.

I don’t mind the suggestion but it’s more when you say no and get but this/ but that.

You know you aren’t the only one.

Only I’ve found people quite pushy if you say you don’t want one

Anyone being pushy is a big turn off for me. I'd try to change the subject and not be available for any discussion about my love life.

Strictly a need to know basis.

There is absolutely no listening for anyone pushing the idea of a FWB unless they are applying for the role. And if they apply, a simple no will suffice.

Who would try to persuade you to do anything against your own will. They cannot possibly be successful. Don't give them the opportunity to waste your time like this.

People might make suggestions. Don't reply, then they can't be discussing it with you. Good practise for other situations.

it’s more when you say no and get but this/ but that.

Just don't answer. Just don't play their game. They can say but this/that, you are not obliged to answer.

Let they keep arguing til they run out of steam. They will run down so long as you don't give them any ammunition to continue.

Then, change the subject and continue the conversation. If they can't switch, then they really are not good friends.

The most difficult time is the first time you try it. The more you do it, then more comfortable it is for you Good luck

Yes I think you are right ignoring them is best, the conversation went something like this “get yourself a fwb it definitely helps, I have no desire to be in a relationship” me “no I couldn’t have a fwb I usually develop feelings so it wouldn’t work for me” another woman “I don’t kiss my fwb it removes the passion and gets easier once you accept it’s just for pleasure, I have 2!” It’s almost like they try to convince you 😕

They have been brain washed into thinking that all men and all women are just shagging machines.

I thought having a FWB (I met my online so wasn't based on a friendship before) would be perfect for me and the life stage I'm at.

It was perfect for a bit, then I realised how empty it felt. We had no future, it become a pointless exercise, I started feeling detached and uninvolved during sex. I finished it, and i feel so much better. I have more time to spend it with people I love (friends and family and pets) and more time for enriching experiences/hobbies and nights out now I'm not wasting/killing time with him.

It’s said as if it’s a replacement of a relationship, but the whole concept seems to cold, I couldn’t even sleep with someone I didn’t kiss, I won’t bother to say what that would make me feel like.

I had a FWB for about 2 years, it got very very messy, and we moved from FWB to a "relationship" and then to a "relationship" and then to FWB...it was an absolute joke and I don't think I've properly recovered from that experience still. I don't even know how we both managed to get ourselves entangled but we did. I wanted a relationship with a future and so did he but we were at different life stages and it became incompatible to stay in a "relationship". I'd absolutely advise someone to go in with their eyes wide open and acknowledge that your feelings could change as you continue to sleep with some, some time with them etc even though you'd set out "terms and conditions" at the start of the arrangement. Never again for me.

*continue to sleep with someone, spend time with them and get to know them

Sounds to me like they're trying to convince themselves.
That a fwb is the dogs bollox.

Agree with you OP. If I sleep with somebody regularly it would be because I fancy them and like them as a person. How do people cut that off and then not want to be together. Another one who doesn’t get it

Yeh they are definitely trying to convince themselves it’s so great, That’s how I feel if I liked someone enough to sleep with them regularly then I would like them enough to be in a relationship with them, then there’s also unplanned pregnancies there seems to be constant posts on here at the moment from women who’ve fallen pregnant from their fwb and I see the same from my single mums Facebook page, maybe partly intentional hoping it will make them want a relationship 🤦🏻😬😣

I Understand your perspectives op, it's a mix really, for different people, myself, if it's what the lady wants, then I'll consider the proposal, personally I prefer a relationship first, but if I like the lady and we get along then I'd consider the proposal and who knows it could lead to something extra.

I'm 100% with you op. Done it, do not see the appeal. NEVER again.

I wasn't left heartbroken or anything but I don't want any part of it. I dont know how anyone can even enjoy the sex knowing you're not good enough to keep around in a relationship (or even be exclusive with!). Just no thanks.