Please help me figure this out

[AnnaJ79]

Hi everyone. I’ve come on here to ask for help. My situation at the moment has me feeling like I’m ready to explode. I am trying to please everyone and not knowing how I feel myself in the process. I feel like I want to run away and never come back but obviously I won’t do that as I have two kids who I adore. They’re the reason I’m writing here now.
So basically I’ve been seeing someone for coming up on a year now. He’s a lovely guy. He does so much for me and is the complete opposite of my ex husband who was a total odd ball to be honest and didn’t know how to be affectionate.
My Problem is I’m at the stage where I want to introduce my new partner to my kids but I don’t know how to do this and it absolutely terrifies me. I don’t want them to think I never loved their dad or that I don’t care about them and just want to move a new man into our home. They have met him on a few occasions but only as “my friend” who helps me out a lot doing stuff around the house. They like him, especially the youngest who is just 11. It’s my other child I’m worried about who is almost 18. Im terrified about how he will react as he is close to his dad.
can someone who has been in this situation please please help me to do this and tell me the right way to go about it without hurting anyone. I’m also worried about how my ex will react as he is a very spiteful and horrible person towards me and will hate that I’m bringing someone new into the childrens lives.
my head is fit to explode and I just don’t know what to do for the best. I have an appointment with my GP this week as I don’t know how I’m going to keep this up. All the worrying and over thinking is making me miserable and all I do lately is cry. Thanks for reading x

You're creating a problem in your head that doesn't need to exist in real life.

It's none of your ex's business who you date. And you certainly don't have to please him so take him out of the equation.

Your children like this man. You dating someone doesn't mean that you're replacing their dad.

Single mothers date new men all the time. You're not introducing him amdoving him in after a fortnight, your going to tell them that, after a year, this friend has become more special and important to them and that's it.

Tbh, the 18 year old has probably already guessed.

You are massively overthinking this and have turned it into some huge problem when it isn't one.

Keep doing what you're doing. This man is your good friend and you're dating. Slow and steady moving forward is key. Your 18 is old enough to have an adult conversation with about this if need be, and so long as you don't try to force your son to have a relationship with your boyfriend, I doubt there will be issues. If there are, you handle it at the time.

As for you ex, who gives a fuck what he thinks? He literally can't do anything to do. If he kicks off, you completely ignore him. He has absolutely no say in how you live your life and you don't owe him explantations for anything.

Your in a great position. You removed yourself and children from a unhappy marriage and the children will be so much happier for that . Then you’ve met somebody lovely . Your adult child should totally understand and be happy for you . And your 11 yr old just needs to understand that this is a good thing and how he makes you very happy . Once you start spending some quality time altogether, it will be fine . As for you ex , tell your boys first then tell them that YOU will tell your ex . That way you are not leaving it upto the boys to break the news . And just don’t fight with him . Stay calm and focussed.

I remember having to tell my mum that my dad had met someone when I was 8yrs old . It was so hard . She hid her pain from me and took it well , only for my sake tho . This isn’t your boys job to do . Tell him yourself but don’t make it a big deal to him , it’s none of his business at all .

Sounds like things are going well - no need to overcomplicate things - exes are at liberty to find love, so are you xx

Thanks for reply everyone. My ex does know I’m seeing someone but hasn’t seen us together as we started dating very soon after I split with my ex and we all live within a few miles of one another so me and my new partner tended to do our own thing away from here so as not to cause any hurt to anyone but I think we’ve moved on from that now. I think my ex will react badly to him being introduced to the kids cause that’s the type of person he is he has to have the final say ALWAYS! Thanks again for the replies they definitely made me feel better xx

Just keep it all low key and wait for the kids to mention it
it’s no big deal just spend some nice times here and there and do your own things and keep it mostly separate from the kids and just drip feed gently overtime