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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To Ask What's Fair?

6 replies

fedupathome · 03/09/2022 22:06

I just wanted to get some views on what's a fair split of housework and childcare.

My H doesn't do a lot and it falls to me and I'm completely miserable.

H works 4 nights and also works a second job on a self employed basis and the hours and timings aren't set and won't know till week before what hours/days he will be working.

I also work full-time and since covid my role is mostly from home.

I do the majority of the childcare, cooking cleaning, school drop offs as he is asleep in the morning due to having worked the night before. I also do all meal planning , majority of household admin and pay more as I earn more.

What would a fair split of housework and childcare?

He has a hobby which he does on a Monday night. I don't get to have any time for myself due to his second self employed job and not knowing when he will be working . For example I've started taking a couple of hours for myself to go have a coffee and read a book but now won't be able to as he will be working.

I told him housework and childcare needs to be split evenly as I'm fed up of doing everything by myself. His excuses on his days off are he's too tired to do anything, he hates his job doing nights but won't apply for anything else .

OP posts:
JulesCobb · 03/09/2022 22:10

Well isnt he a selfish arse. What is the point of him?

JulesCobb · 03/09/2022 22:12

Does his second job ever impact his hobby?

fedupathome · 03/09/2022 22:17

Second job never impacts his hobby. I asked why he's not too tired to do the hobby but too tired to do his fair share at home and his response was to blame his job as it makes him too tired.

He clearly isn't too tired if it doesn't affect what he wants to do .

OP posts:
fedupathome · 03/09/2022 22:23

For me a fair split is to share the housework and childcare evenly. Is that reasonable?

He should take over on his days off for example with cooking he should cook on his days off and I do it the rest of the week .

I didn't cook anything for him today and won't either tomorrow I made just enough for myself and the dc.

He says he will start doing more but never does.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 03/09/2022 22:23

You should have equal leisure and sleep time, that's what is fair!

blockpavingismynightmare · 03/09/2022 22:30

And don't do his washing either OP. In fact anything you do to enhance his life - just stop

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