Dreading seeing the mums at the school gate....

[Mgreen123]

Hi, a bit of background..... Have a child when child started school a group of mums friends formed which I was part of. We had some great nights out and meet ups with the children.
Over time one of the mums whom I was close to just ghosted me for no reason ( she has since apologized and confirmed no reason).
Another mum had a big party where I was the only one not invited and it felt as though it was hushed up (in my presence) in the group. I was quite upset, let them know my feelings were hurt and exited the WhatsApp group.
Since then I've ofcourse said hi but kept myself to myself (hate drama). I've seen on FB that they have all been out and about, had mini breaks etc. I don't know if this is because I see some of them separately, and them meeting up is never mentioned ( feels hush hush again) or I just feel sad that I'm no longer part of it. I'm not looking forward to the school run again as it makes me feel anxious. Any advice? X

Op I could have written this post myself!! I too was ghosted by the most popular mum of the group, for a absolutely no reason whatsoever. It really hurt.

There were parties, get togethers and nights out that I was not invited too. All plastered over Facebook as well.

This was back in January time. So I deleted them al from Facebook, and took a deep breath! Honestly it was a weight off my shoulders.

And the great news is... on Tuesday, my youngest starts Year 7!!! So goodbye b*tchy, cliquey, horrid school mums and goodbye school runs!!!

I really hope it gets better for you. How many years do you have left? X

You start by realising these people are NOT your friends
They never were.
They are just a collection of people that happen to have children in the same year of school, and thats it! No joint interests, history, kin ship or connection. Just a bunch of randoms in one place at the same time. Some form groups, some don't. Either way you owe each other nothing. I think many form friendships at the school gate as they have limited social lives of their own.

My best advice to you: Make friends or invest in friends outside of school, and see the school playground for what is: A place for kids. Don't try to make friends or be friends just be polite to everyone you meet, make small talk and choose your friends more carefully outside of your child's place of education.

You did nothing wrong except imagine that these people are true friends, it is rarely the case in the very long term. Be kind, civil and stay out of it. Those types of groups usually blow up in time and the fall out can affect the children.

You sound a tad jealous! 😂

Unless you change schools, your child is stuck with this community so, so are you. You don’t have to treat them as friends but you’d do well to treat them like annoying work colleagues that you need to be professional and mildly friendly with.

If you’re at state school there’s usually about thirty children in a class, I don’t believe all of them can be mean. Especially as you used to socialise with them.

Pick the ones you like the most and see if you can create some kind of relationship.

How needlessly mean-spirited of you. OP thought she'd made a new group of friends and was hurt to be excluded without reason. What is dramatic about that?

OP it's really tough when you draw the short straw and end up with a cliquey set of class mums. My advice is to decide now that these people aren't going to be your friends and therefore nothing they do can hurt you. Big cheery smile, pick up your kid and don't give the fuckers a second thought.

Get them off your Facebook (or better still, get off of Facebook)

I purposely didn’t make friends at the school gate with my second child. Turn up when the bell rings, grab your kid and go, saying polite hellos and smiling. No idea what they all got up to in their private lives.

Sounds so much like my daughters’ school I got goosebumps 😅

No advice but regarding being ghosted, I’ve done just that to a mum because she would constantly make comments about my appearance - from begging me to let her help with my lack of fashion sense to my weight and diet etc. It was relentless. She must’ve thought she was being a great friend criticising me so much, but I don’t care as much as she does about fashion, being a size 6 or looking 10 years younger. Get a grip! I never told her why I started avoiding her or stopped replying because I struggled to find a polite way to say it.

Thanks everyone. Sorry some of you have had a rough time too xxx

Second reply in it descended to this level of nastiness - impressive.

Just drop off and pick up with a hi and a smile. Don't get involved or follow them on any form of social media. It isn't nice to feel left out and real friendships wouldn't be so cruel.
My youngest started secondary school last Thursday so no more DC's at primary. Don't miss it one bit but will stay in touch with one lovely mum I am friends with.
Don't give it a second thought. As long as your DC is happy then that is all that matters and you will be too if you don't give them anymore head space.

Remove them from your fb. Drop off. pick up
Go back to work to be around other adults who have more going on in life than school pecking ordering.

Op ignore them. They prob bitch about each other too. Ive no time for this shit now thank god my daughter older I dont see the mams now!! Its not nice though

Thanks everyone, school run was fine I was in and out in a flash!! A few more years left. I work from home so I think my mind was doing overtime. Thanks all for taking the time to reply xxx

Your time at the school gates will be over before you know it, head up and smile but keep your distance. I was so glad when my kids went to secondary school so I didn't have to put up with the school yard Mums

I just know that I don't enjoy groups stuffs, neither women's groups stuffs so never even made an effort. Talked to some. I am not on any what's app and i do a very personal fb , so looking at strangers images or dos does not bring me anything joyful. Never would be able to have a minibreak with random women lol, I do not drive and to this day, I do not have evening childcare. Just do like me, live your life and that is that.

Ah yes, forgot. I am a passionate church goer and this is where my free time goes. Job, family, church, choir and weekend minibreaks WITH MY GORGEOUS FAMILY.

Ignore it op they prob bitch about each other too. Met a few nice mams through my kids. But some not nice. I was ghosted by a friend this year even as an adult it hurt. People are weird.. I just suit myself now since this occured.

This is why I don't get overly pally with mum groups at school. Individual mums...fine. but groups. Nope

Hang on, let me get this straight.

one mum ghosted you, apologised , you were still part of the group

second mum had a party. You were not invited. But instead of directly asking her, you told the whole group you were upset and hurt that you were not going to this woman’s party and you exited the whole group

you then disengaged with them all other than saying hi and only see some individually

and now you’re hurt they do t invite you to the group meet ups?

I know it hurts but honestly I’m not sure I’d expect to be invited if I was you/. Why did you blame the whole group and exit rather than speak to the woman whose party it was or ask some of the others?

Like the film says- they're just not that into you.

Erm not quite..... The mum who ghosted me only apologized after the party.
The part was fancy dress and I spoke to the mums prior asking if they were doing any for Halloween, just general chit chat. Nobody said about a party and when I was near conversations were shut down. This is why I sent a group message.
All felt rubbish.
Regardless, it's done and dusted now as this was some time ago.

I am very religious so having step moms or unmarried women with kids who go out and drink and having basic empty chat is not for me.

Why do you keep bumping this thread?