Is this a red flag?

[MargeSampson]

I'm hoping for thoughts on whether my partners relationship with his ex wife is a red flag.

They divorced five years ago. I started seeing him two years ago. He told his ex, kids and friends about me around a year ago. I've met his teenage kids a few times but not met their mum. I also have my own kids who know my partner.

My partners exwife calls him often, daily probably. She messages too. When she has a problem or wants advice she calls him, work or house or life related, asks for his help. He usually helps her. Due to her frequent calls I had a chat with him a few months ago and she's reduced them (at least when I'm around). I'm not a horrible person, it was just odd to have her phoning to ask random questions always when we were together.

Odd stuff has happened. For example the first time I met their kids, she announced she was moving in her partner. Then she split up with him a few weeks later. It seemed like she was trying to make a point or make my partner jealous maybe. I understand that her partner moved out because he thought she was still in love with my partner and she was always talking about him.

I dont know what to make of it. There's no secrecy about our relationship, but it seems odd that having divorced for years they still have so much communication. My ex and I have perhaps five or six texts a week, all child related. From what I understand the divorce was chosen by my partner.

@MargeSampson

From what your saying she still loves him and maybe using kids or any excuse to talk to him. He being too nice and letting her call when she wants. I hope he doesn't still love her too.

I really don't think much you can do. Say to him she shouldn't be calling unless about the kids.

Just be careful and have a serious think if you want to get in the middle of this. Especially if still married.

You don't also want to come off as new jealous partner. But can see like your in middle of something still which he needs to be entirely honest that it is over. If so he needs to set boundaries to respect you. I have a feeling though she knows how to manipulate him.

Hi @Scorpio8 thanks. They have been divorced about 5 years (as am I) and the kids are all teenagers, so in theory there wouldn't be expected to be much chit chat between them.

It is very hard to know what the truth is about it all. He has assured me many times that he is committed to me, but it doesn't feel like that when she is phoning to chat about her new date with him etc and he's happy to listen.