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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Effects on the family

2 replies

Relationshipnono · 03/09/2022 20:01

This situation is complex and hard to word so please forgive me if its confusing.

I have a 15 year old who is having mental health issues . There has not yet been a diagnosis of anything. I'm not sure if they are hormone driven or not but it's gone on for a long time and we are waiting for help.

My young adult son has left home because he could not cope with his 15 year old brother. He will only visit if he knows his brother is not here. Which breaks my heart. The 15 year old does not get along with Any of his siblings.

He also does not get on with my partner. We have never lived together but have been together/seeing each other for 8 years. And have child together. He used to stay over 2 or 3 times a week. But due to my 15 year old and him not getting on I had to stop him staying over.

I love my 15 year old to the bottom of my heart. But I also feel like he's in control of us all . My heart and instincts are telling me that I have to put my own life on hold until my teenager gets through this. Because he's my child and has to come first .

I get stuck in the middle between the people I love. And it fucks me up mentally and emotionally. No one at all actually gets that I'm one person coping with it all alone with no one to turn to.

I'm.not really looking for a magic wound or answers. I think I just needed to say it.

I think I need to add that this post is in no way a hate post towards my son. I have focused alot on his mental health and his needs I'm doing my best. But I need to talk about how it effects me and other members of the family to .

OP posts:
minidancer · 03/09/2022 20:05

Are the sacrifices you and other family members are making helping to improve his mental health?

MMmomDD · 03/09/2022 20:11

I am sorry your son is not well.
However - I do feel for your other siblings, and your partner. It does seem you are putting the needs of one of the children above anyone else. And I am not sure this is fair on your other kids.
Your elder kid had to leave home. Your youngest kid doesn’t get to have his father stay over. This isn’t right or fair on them. Let along you.
MH or not - you need to try to teach your son to live and try to get on with other people. No one will be letting him get away with what you seem to be letting him get away with. And you won’t be around to take care of him for ever.
So - I am not sure it’s best to just let him treat everyone the way he seems to.

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