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Relationships

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Is it normal?

20 replies

millymog11 · 03/09/2022 19:46

Is it normal for your husband to want to have sex (i.e him ejacualate inside you mainly in my vagina) both before he goes out for work at about 6am and again when he gets in after dinner about 9pm or 10pm.?

I don't know whether this is normal but this is my normal for a while. If we don't do this he gets extra grumpy I dont know why. Is this right?

OP posts:
millymog11 · 03/09/2022 19:48

I have offered to suck him instead but he says no, he wants to be inside me. It feels a bit too much twice a day. Is this normal.

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 03/09/2022 19:50

@millymog11 this section is for discussing feminism and gender identity questions.

Your question would be better on the chat or relationship board.

Report your post and request it's moved. You'll get more useful replies.

dementedpixie · 03/09/2022 19:51

If you don't want sex twice a day then you are perfectly at liberty to say no. Sounds like it's not what you want

millymog11 · 03/09/2022 20:03

picklemewalnuts could you move me to the rigtht place? I don't want to offednd anyone? thank you

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 03/09/2022 20:07

I've reported and asked for it to be moved

picklemewalnuts · 03/09/2022 20:47

We're in relationships now. Hopefully some people with good advice will turn up.

The way you have written it sounds as though you are having sex more often than you want, and that he gets bad tempered if he considers you are 'withholding'.
That's not an uncommon situation, but it is wrong. No one should have more sex than they want.

Do you enjoy sex with him? Or is it something you do to stop him grumbling?

Sex twice a day certainly wouldn't be normal in my marriage, but it is in some. All that matters is what you want.

Scorpio8 · 03/09/2022 20:56

@millymog11

I agree if you don't want sex say no.

You got to look at it this way at least he doing it with you rather than someone else. Although you shouldn't feel forced.

How does he cope if your on your time of the month? I hope he still doesn't make you do it.

Unanananana · 03/09/2022 21:07

You don't have to have sex with him twice a day if you don't want to. You can say no. He has no right to use your body to ejaculate into.

If he is grumpy/sulking because you don't have sex he is a pig.

millymog11 · 04/09/2022 11:47

Thank you for the replies. I am so confused about whether what he wants is reasonable or not. The problem I have is in the evenings when he comes in the house, within minutes of being in the same room as me he has an erection and puts my hand on it through his clothes and if I said "No I am not doing that" it would feel like I am deliberately refusing him because he is there ready to go. Urggh. I don't know, maybe i will just get used to it.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 04/09/2022 11:50

Sounds like he is using you just for sex. Is there any foreplay? Do you get your pleasure too or is is all about him?

There's a time and a place and just because he wants sex doesn't mean you need to oblige when he wants every time if you don't want to. You don't sound like it's what you want

picklemewalnuts · 04/09/2022 12:21

Just because you are married, you don't have to have sex more often than you want.
Are you enjoying it? Or are you dreading it?

Over time, having sex you don't really want can get very distressing. Even if you think you are consenting, it starts to wear you down and you can lose all desire for the other person.

I'm saying this because even if you think you are ok with it, it can damage your relationship. It's something you need to work out.
Flowers

millymog11 · 04/09/2022 12:29

He says it is stress release for him and I can definitely feel him getting far less stressed after we have had sex. He has said to me things like "at least I don't drink" or "at least I don't gamble" or "its only 10 minutes" and then I feel like i am being petty. But as I type the fact that we have had sex twice this morning makes me feel relieved because if he says he wants it tonight I can point this out to him.

OP posts:
Topgub · 04/09/2022 12:30

No this is not normal. You must know that.

Have you never had a relationship before?

Was he like this before you got married?

Has no one ever taught you about consent and only having sex you want?

Sex that feels good for you to?

yellowsmileyface · 04/09/2022 12:49

He has said to me things like "at least I don't drink"

This is very manipulative. He doesn't get to bargain with you like that. He doesn't get to be rewarded for not being a drunk!

If he gets grumpy if you refuse, this is controlling and emotionally abusive behaviour.

maybe i will just get used to it

You won't. It gets worse. The longer you force yourself to have sex when you don't want to, the more it damages your mental wellbeing.

If he has a high sex drive and really feels he needs it as a stress relief, he can masturbate. It achieves exactly the same thing.

JorisBonson · 04/09/2022 12:54

He sounds like an absolute pig.

Quartz2208 · 04/09/2022 13:55

it sounds sexually abusive because you are having sex you don’t want. You are a person not his stress reliever

you need to work out your boundaries are you so used to putting everyone else’s needs and wants ahead of yours

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 04/09/2022 14:02

He sounds fucking grim.

layladomino · 04/09/2022 14:22

Oh he sounds vile.

There isn't a standard amount that people have sex (although twice a day is on the very high side for the vast mahority of people), but there is a very clear rule everyone should follow - if you don't have to have sex, don't have it.

Would you want to have sex with someone who didn't want to be doing it, but felt forced to by you?

He thinks that he is entitled to sex with you whenever he wants it. Even if you don't want it. Even if you don't enjoy it. He is using you as a stress relief (unbelievably offensive) and a receptical.

And his logic that you should be grateful he isn't an alcholic or gambler so you should be grateful and put up with sex you don't want is just vile. I assume you aren't a drunk or a gambler, so how does your husband thank you for that? Or does he just think you should be the grateful one? His arguement is nonsense.

No decent man would want their wife to have sex she doesn't want, just for his pleasure or stress relief. He would only want you to have sex you want. Sex is for both of your enjoyment, equally. If one doesn't want to do it, you don't do it. That's how decent and loving people operate.

He is coercing and bullying for in to sex you don't want. I can't imagine this is the only way he is selfish, disrespectful and uncaring. Someone so vile about their sex life is likely selfish and manipulative in other areas of life as well.

picklemewalnuts · 04/09/2022 14:43

So sorry, OP.

You can talk this through with someone from womensaid, or various other helplines.

This isn't your fault.

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