Partner and his ex

[Dorri82]

Hello!
Just after some opinions really. Been with my partner 2 years now. He has 2 kids from previous relationship, they split about 6 years ago.
He had another relationship after her and before me. I don't think she really has had a significant relationship since.
Me and partner moved in together in April and recently engaged.
I have a little girl- 6yrs old.
Partner is a really good dad to the two boys. Him and their mum split on bad terms but get on fine now....
I say fine. It's constant! She's forever messaging him. It really is (as far as I know) about the boys, but it's contant throughout the day and into the night. We'll be in bed and his phone is ping ping pinging. And it'll only be things like kid just done this, or kid just done that etc. And he'll reply with an emoji or something. And then she'll send some pics and then discuss things like how should they have their hair cut etc.
It's all very normal and innocent stuff.... but SOOO much of it!
I have brought it up before, but not in a critical way, just that I obviously notice it more now since we live together.
He said he wouldn't want it any other way than a step by step account of their daily lives.
I like that he's such a good dad and he gets on well with their mum... but f*ck me, I feel like I moved in with them both. I feel like I'm the other woman! 🤣
It's difficult when it comes to things like this, because I can't word it well enough to sound like I'm not saying I don't want him talking to her, but I feel like it's so intrusive to our relationship a lot of the time! And for me to say anything would seem like I was being negative about the relationship he currently has with his kids and her.
There's an element of jealousy there too. Since we moved in together, it feels like our communication (texting etc) has nose dived as we see each other after work every night now, so when he's constantly texting with her , and I don't really get much comms from him anymore, I feel it!
It's a tricky one, and if you all say its normal and I should deal with it, then fine.. but I don't know that it is.
I've never been in this situation before. I split with my little girls dad and we have a very organised arrangement for drop off etc and rarely talk in-between. Not because we hate each other, just because it's the way it is.
That's probably why I feel so whooa with this current situation.
What do you think? Xx

If you want him to text you more, tell him that you miss it, and make sure you're doing your bit to keep exchanges going.#

He probably does need to read messages from his ex, in case they are urgent/important. He does not need to reply unless they are. He should explain (once) that unless it's an emergency, the would she please restrict messages to (set suitable curfew)

The current situation may well have just crept up. Clearing the air and setting out some ground rules could change everything for the better. If he doesn't respond well, then it's not a problem with the ex

I hear you! I speak to my kids dad about 3 times a week tops and I never message him when I know he's on holiday or away with his new wife unless it was critical. My ex BF was like this, constant communication with the ex wife about the kids
.way beyond what was necessary. Did my head in. And he talked about her all the time too but that's another story.
I'm not sure there's much you can do it about it though? Only he can sort it out.

This would piss me off but I guess if you want to be with him and he has no intention of changing, you’ll have to make peace with it. I’d at least ask him to silence the pings as that’s annoying no matter who it is. He can still check his messages as often as he wants to without it being in your face all evening.

agree the best way to approach it is to say you miss the texts and that you’d like more connection with him when you’re apart. Or even just sending him cute messages from the other room - my ex would sometimes text me something sexy from the other end of the sofa

This would annoy me too OP. And not because I wouldn't want my partner to speak to ex re the kids but it sounds like a lot. She doesn't have to update every single breath they take. In a way its a bit sad, like she doesn't have anything going in in her life. It would drive me nuts if the phone was pinging whilst we were trying to relax or have a laugh.

Problem is that he’s happy with it. And maybe he just doesn’t want it to stop as it’s his way of not missing out on his kids because he’s getting frequent updates. I suspect that if she cut back on the messaging, that he wouldn’t like it. So if they’re happy with the status quo, there’s not a lot you can do about it….

I would be annoyed too op. Can you talk to him. Explain new set up= new communication styles with ex.

Thanks for all your comments. I think I was after some confirmation that it wasn't me being unreasonable.
We have spoken about it, and he just thinks I have a problem with his past 🙄
He wouldn't change the way it is because like I said in first message, he's told me he couldn't have it any other way than knowing exactly what they're up to each step of every day.
I think the best I could hope for is him to turn the notifications off if we're doing something, or of an evening.

The ex has always made him feel quite guilty about leaving and although it seems they get on alright now, there is always that underlying tone. So I almost see it as a control thing, and he enables it through perhaps guilt?! Not sure, but either way I think it's way too much and encroaches on our relationship
But as a couple of you have said, it seems like they're both happy with the set up and I should just learn to accept it if I want to be in the relationship.

Still annoying as hell!! 🤣
Hopefully she'll meet someone soon and it won't be as much