Feeling a bit numb

[AnnoyingOrange0000]

Hi all, I was looking for some clarity and just a place to put my feelings. Me and partner have 2 children been together 9 years, we split before covid and have been back together about a year. We split because he was battling addiction and anger issues and I struggled to support the family on one income as he couldn't hold down work. He really tried to make up for it during our separation and change his ways he got a job and worked up through higher departments. A little after we got back together he quit his job and slowly I'm seeing his condescending mean streak coming back through. I struggle to tell him how I really feel and I'm becoming numb to everything I feel stuck in a body that's just trying to get through the day. He's such a hard person to talk to I'm letting it build up to the point I feel like I resent him but getting through to him if it's not beneficial to him seems fruitless

@AnnoyingOrange0000 I understand.

"I struggle to tell him how I really feel and I'm becoming numb to everything I feel stuck in a body that's just trying to get through the day."

This is so hard, and I feel you. If things are so hard right now, and you are struggling to get through the day, than get through the day.

YANBU for wanting to talk. Some men just don't or can't -- it's not your fault x

If there's a chance, try and chart some plans for your future self, when you have some time for yourself. You don't have to get it resolved all in one day.

Just things like "I would like to do this in May for myself", you are allowed to chart some plans for yourself. You are allowed to be free of this contempt sometime in the future when/if ready.

This search for clarity from others, and not him, is already a good step.

He does have a way with words, like he's got an answer to everything maybe just to shut me up or maybe because he doesn't want to separate again. It's exhausting as it's all talk that's what makes me give up trying to discuss parental/relationship issues

It sounds like you do want to separate again, and for good reasons. It’s obviously eroding all your joy and hope and sense of mastery over your own life. No wonder you feel numb.

So he treated you badly and sponged off you. Sorted himself out to get you back, and now you’re back together he’s reverted to form?

I just cant find the strength to tell him it really isn't going to work put for us. It was a mentally draining process the last time and I sat through a very long lecture of him explaining why we shouldn't break up and him refusing to leave. In the end I had to ring his mom and make her see why I need her to come and see him to get him out of the house

@Merryoldgoat yes