My husband is a big slob

[Beachlovingirl]

Just that really. He is a total slob. Selfish, self absorbed, eats like a pig, massive massive portions of fast food. Messy, lazy, self pitying. Smells bad a lot of the time. Always sex pesting me, slapping me on the arse, crap at childcare although our little one loves him….. makes any excuse to sleep in til lunch or disappear off to bed randomly.

Just fed up.

I want to say he wasn’t always like this but I think he was and he hid it really really well. We’ve been together 7 years, married for 5. little one is 6. The slobbishness has been there but it’s been balanced out by pockets of good stuff. Now I just think all the good stuff has been replaced with the slob.

stay or go? Is it a good enough reason to split up a family? Laziness and gluttony?

Go. You deserve better.

You only need to give yourself permission to leave him. What are you still getting out of this relationship?.

Children love parents anyway no matter how crap they actually are. How often does he actually interact with his child given that he takes off to bed so very often?.

You as well as your child here deserve better. What do you want to teach your child about relationships and what is he/she learning here from you two?.

He sounds awful and is a very poor role model for your little one. If you’ve only been together 7 years and your LO is 6, it sounds like things moved very quickly at the outset and perhaps before you got to know each other properly. But you can’t put back time. You can only correct this going forward. It sounds like you would be better off without him.

Please go. Would you date him as he is now if you just met? He's an oxygen thief.

Do you want your child to grow up to be like your husband?

To all those who pointed out the role model thing. This does play heavily in my mind. This entire culture we have at home will be normalised for ds and is he going to aspire to be like that to girlfriends or his wive when he’s older?

to be fair I take blame here because he did show some elements of some of the slob stuff but I was “in love” and really thought he would grow up a bit. I think I need to accept that he’s not going to change which is hard for me because other than him we have a lovely life. I have a good job and so does he believe it or not. To everyone else he’s not the lazy person I get at home.

Try not to let your own sense of guilt play into your decision about ending the relationship. It's totally normal to want to see the best in people, especially when you fall in love. You made the decision based on your understanding of the world around you at a certain point of time in your life but you have evolved and grown. It's his responsibility to bring an equal contribution to the relationship, not yours and if he can't do so, then you have every right to acknowledge that you made a mistake but you also have the power to change the course of the rest of your life and that of your children. Good luck

Have you told him bluntly what you think? And it must be such a turnoff.

You don’t need permission. Do what is best for your mental health and your ds.