I'm feeling really deflated and defeated recently. I'm a 30 year old single mum to a 9 year old girl, I have a good career that I worked hard at uni for seven years for, skint and struggling. I have amazing friends and family, a good social life, always something to do etc. I have been single for the past 6 years. And have generally been very happy being single.
Every relationship I had up until 6 years ago ended up with me being hurt (either by their behaviour or my own which causes the relationship to end). Break ups seem to have a really detrimental impact on my mental health, I find them all consuming and quite often found myself losing my dignity and self respect. The last break up I had I remember my daughter being 3 and me crying on the stairs because he had left me and me being unable to even move cause I was so upset and I remember saying in my head that that was the last time I'm ever going to let someone have this amount of influence over my emotions.
So I stayed away from men for 6 years really except the odd one night stand. However, recently I met a guy on a night out. We got into a 'friends with benefits' situation which is what suited us both. Would see him every few weekends when my daughter was at her dads.
However, he has suddenly went very cold on me, busy on the dates I ask him to come over and isn't making any arrangements with me anymore. This is fine and rationally he doesn't owe me a thing and I have respected that and backed right off. I'm sat here tonight though feeling so depressed, like something is wrong with me, missing him (wtf?) And just wondering why men can't ever stick around.
I feel like I was strong those 6 years, I loved not having to message a guy, not having to shave for them, or diet for them or have any expectations put on me. But now I feel like I'm back at square one and miserable again without a man. I feel like im so grumpy tonight and snapping at my daughter and keep checking his WhatsApp to see if he is online (he knows none of this obviously and never will).
AIBU to see think im mentally and emotionally just not strong enough for any sort of romantic/sexual interaction with men as I feel crushed when they leave even if it was casual or I haven't known them long? Should I just get back to being the happy person I was 3 months ago before I met him? How?