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Original poster

Have to make sense of this

11 replies

Iwanttoslowdown · 03/09/2022 13:14

Married for 25yrs. Both run our own businesses. OH in construction so fairly well paid when the work is in. I’m fairly well paid also when the work comes in.

For as long as I can remember it’s felt like OH has relied on me to bring in most of the income - so summer hols he would take off to look after the kids and I worked. I earn more than him so that’s fine - but I don’t earn enough to cover 2 incomes. We have both got to work.

This year, youngest is now 13 he’s done the same saying that there’s been no work around so he might as well be around for the kids and get on with DIY. We agreed he would also use the time to push his business more and once the children are back at school to have work lined up. He hasn’t done anything and work is patchy even next week when they go back to school. And actually, the kids haven’t needed looking after so he’s just done DIY, cooked and filled his day doing stuff.

I’ve been up at night worrying about income and our standards of living and OH is just saying he’s worried but not doing anything about it.

I like having a good standard of living and I think OH is fine with being a bit skint. And Iike my user name says, I want to slow down and not work as hard as I have had to in the past.

If we are both earning then we are fine but we are potentially now looking at 2-months of no earnings from his side or very reduced earnings from OH. Our savings have taken a bashing too this summer so it feels like he’s just taken a step back from responsibility and just expects me to earn it all back.

I’ve tried talking to him today about the burden of earning is too much and that by not doing what he said he was going to do
is making me feel taken for granted, and resentful.

We do usually have a good quality of life but I don’t know if its because of the COL crisis that I’m panicking, or because our DC are not needing the same thing or because I’m not understanding that construction has taken a hit. Or because OH has just used to me fixing everything.

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 03/09/2022 13:25

Clearly he just likes to have the summer off and let you pick up the slack. What more is there to make sense of?

WallaceinAnderland · 03/09/2022 13:31

If his annual income is not enough to live off then he needs to find another job. If he refuses then you either downsize, split or financially support him. Those are your choices.

83DanishMum · 03/09/2022 13:46

Can you sit down and budget everything together so he can see the shortfall with his own eyes?

OldFan · 03/09/2022 13:53

As far as I know, summer is when there's the most construction work.

Sounds like he just wants to doss for a couple of months a year at your expense.

OldFan · 03/09/2022 13:55

If it were just this year, he can claim there's less work due to the financial crisis and that's why he's skiving off. But you say he's done it every year.

Original poster
Iwanttoslowdown · 03/09/2022 13:59

When the children were younger it worked out cheaper than sending them all off to camps and clubs.

OP posts:
Xpologog · 03/09/2022 14:07

Could you separate your finances? Individual bank accounts plus a joint account for household bills. You each pay in half of the DDs ( remember things like insurances paid annually) and half the food bill. What’s left in your account is yours, what’s left in his is his. When he’s got less showing in his account he might do something about it.

Gaveitall · 03/09/2022 14:12

Crikey! A builder with patchy work?
Send him down here where there’s a massive building boom & not enough trades for either the big house builders or the domestic requirements like I’d have. You have to wait weeks if you can get a builder to come in the first place,
I think he’s swinging the lead a bit. Sorry.
Needs some hard talk & a kick up the bottom.

Original poster
Iwanttoslowdown · 03/09/2022 14:14

Xpologog · 03/09/2022 14:07

Could you separate your finances? Individual bank accounts plus a joint account for household bills. You each pay in half of the DDs ( remember things like insurances paid annually) and half the food bill. What’s left in your account is yours, what’s left in his is his. When he’s got less showing in his account he might do something about it.

We have done this and he uses the joint account when he’s low. I think he’s had less than £500 in his account all summer. It’s bad writing this all down. It’s like he wants to be skint. Or isn’t arsed. I can’t stand being skint hence why I go into overdrive. It’s like he just freezes. It’s very lonely.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwanttoslowdown · 03/09/2022 14:17

Gaveitall · 03/09/2022 14:12

Crikey! A builder with patchy work?
Send him down here where there’s a massive building boom & not enough trades for either the big house builders or the domestic requirements like I’d have. You have to wait weeks if you can get a builder to come in the first place,
I think he’s swinging the lead a bit. Sorry.
Needs some hard talk & a kick up the bottom.

That’s what I thought that there was generally a wait list for builders right now. But he’s relied on word of mouth and not invested in online search engine or even had a website. That’s what he was meant to do this summer. Instead he’s saying that no one is spending bc of the COL
crisis. But either he’s not business savvy or he just doesn’t care about being skint. And about me carrying the load.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iwanttoslowdown · 03/09/2022 14:18

Probably all 3.

OP posts:
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