Need some perspective

[summersunshine46]

I was in a 10 year relationship but was very up and down. When I was 18 I had a one night stand and I punished myself for it everyday but I chose to stay with him (he never knew). He was very controlling but I believed I deserved that and I recently started counselling to talk through the guilt and punishment I have inflicted on myself.

we have a 7yr old DD and even though it’s been 3 years since I left it seems to be getting harder than easier. It was my birthday yesterday and he brought me and DD breakfast around this morning. It was nice and we were chatting and then when he was leaving he said he was going away tonight. I never normally ask him but I said are you going on your own and he said no and went reallly quiet and tried to change the subject, and DD said your goign with (named woman) aren’t you and he just went really red and quiet and DD said you are going with Her He said yeah jsut a friend And he went really quiet.

I felt like I was going to start crying (ridiculous I know) but I couldn’t get them out house quick enough I was looking for DDs shoes and I just started acting really weird. Then when they left I burst into tears. Why am I feeling like this after so long! I have started counselling again so I’m going to discuss this in next meeting. But he’s all I ever think about at the minute, since Xmas we spent some time together. I know I shouldn’t but I looked on his fb and it says he’s single but I found the woman who he’s ‘friends with’ and she would 100% be his type.

I don’t know what I wanted from this post, I don’t want to talk to friends or family about this, so I think I just needed to post this somewhere and see if anybody with a clearer head can help

First of all happy birthday for yesterday!

I understand. I think birthdays and big events are a time for people to evaluate their lives etc. a milestone.

It's not unusual to feel upset that perhaps he's moved on. It signals the end of something.

But also focus on what you really want. It's been three years. You split for a reason.

I don't think it means you want him per se. Maybe it's a longing for the past, being in a relationship, being a family unit. But it's not personal to him.

But go easy on yourself. Birthdays churn up a lot of emotions. It's great that you're seeing a counsellor and hopefully they can help more than me!

@drinkfeck thank you for the reply. I agree that it’s times like Birthdays and Christmases that make us evaluate everything. I have been feeling like this since last Christmas as we spent Christmas together. He got a little attached after Christmas which scared me so I kept that distance and it went really bizarre and awkward.

when I left him I was so happy and felt a massive sigh of relief and pure freedom. I still feel happy (most of the time) and love my freedom, but I still think about him all the time. He messages me all the time asking how i am, what I’m upto etc, DD spends a lot of time with him. I didn’t think he had moved on, but when he said he was going away earlier and he went really quiet and awkward it’s just set me off on a bit of a downward spiral. I am not the type to wallow but I’m finding it really hard

I just thought after 3 years it would get easier but seems to be getting harder.