Have you just never spoken to someone again who hurt you?

[tanperception]

After knowing them for at least a while. Did you ever just say, this is it with communication? A few years later, my ex still messages me. I heard from him recently after him not contacting me for a few months, and that he wanted to let me know that he moved back home for the time being and is going on a holiday soon, but kept reiterating that he has a job back here (where I am) next year. Only earlier in the year was he saying that he misses me and gets sad at times when he thinks about how well we got along. A few things occurred in our relationship that hurt me for a long time and still do to some degree.

Can you not just block him?

@MichelleScarn blocking him would give him too much power. He hasn't been abusive.

I always talk things through with everyone.

I don't have anyone who hurt my feelings and I ignored them for years.

How would it give him 'power'? You wouldn't know as you'd have nothing to do with him? You may have just got a new phone!

Yes I’ve stopped contact from people who’ve caused harm. Some men will keep contacting so it’s best to block them rather than have long conversations about it. Do you contact your ex or is it always him contacting you?

I had an ex who kept suggesting he pop in for a cup of tea when in the area etc. the end of the relationship wasn’t great (no particular fault on either side but the end decision was mine) and he made a few barbed comments. His comments about popping round made me feel anxious and I didn’t feel like he was doing it with only positive intention. So one time when he suggested it, instead of making an excuse, I just sent a text saying something like “I’m sure it’d be lovely to catch up but I prefer not to stay friends with exes. Hope you understand but wishing you all the best!”. He just said he totally understood and wished me all the best too and hasn’t contacted me since. Much better for both of us! Can you try that with your ex? If he doesn’t respect your request then that’s on him and then your are reasonable to block or call him out on that (or just don’t reply).

I ceased contact with a former friend after she caused me enormous harm and after I tried to worh through it but she very deliberately and maliciously continued with what can only be described as a vendetta. After several attempts to sort it out and after she went as far as to contact my workplace to say i was a terrible person (the story is long but the trigger to this was I accepted a coffee invite with a mutual friend who did not invite her- the mutual friend had had enough of her controlling behaviour) then I just finished it. We had been friends for about 2 years and i had observed her behaviour with others who had 'disappointed her' with some alarm. Finally I had to for my own peace of mind cease all contact.

That was before my older DS was born, so 13 years or so ago and she still sends me abusive messages and letters and has defamed me around town. Thankfully fewer and fewer people are sucked in as our town is quite small and she has a BIG reputation for this and indeed has had restraining orders made against her from other victims.

@Penny242 thank you! Yes we have done that before and he has been respectful previously when I've said that we should cease contact. However, I think there is still feelings there if I'm honest on both sides, although, I think we both know it wouldn't work out again long term.

By not blocking him, you are leaving the door open for a reunion. Which is sounds as though you are considering?

Why did you split up?

If you both work on building your happy relations there is always a chance for it to work.

I’m not in contact with any of my exes. There are several ex friends who I no longer contact either, because they were mean. Why give yourself the hassle? Just cut contact and move on.