So obvious

[Holidaywoes2022]

Been with someone for nearly 5 year still haven't met the parents or any family. Never invited to their neck of the woods; he casually moved himself in 4-5 years ago.
I've ended it recently, I know I've been a stupid bitch but I need reassurance & told point blank never ever to take this cocklodger back.
This was after coming out of an 18 year abusive relationship, I should of definitely knew better.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don't ever want to hear from him again, I need support ladies no bashing please; I'm fully aware of how stupid I've been
I actually don't love him anymore but I guess it's habit having him around.
We have a holiday coming up in 1 week & a few days with my family but I don't want him on it with us.
He's nestled his way in on every part of my life but realistically I know nothing about him! Give it to me I can take it.

I'm not going to be harsh.

You know it all.

Your eyes are clear. You can see him for the cocklodger he is.

Get angry. You deserve so much more.

And well done. For seeing and realising. Some people never get to that point. Go easy on yourself. You don't need berating. You need bolstering. You've got this.

Hopefully there are no children involved

What was his reasons for it? Not having a go just genuinely curious!

These type are very good at feeding you an illusion, and only gradually does the reality show through.

Well done for kicking him out. Keep coming back to this thread if you want help staying strong.

@drinkfeck thank you
@GrazingSheep no children thank goodness
@SpinningFloppa he's made every excuse under the sun 1st embarrassed about his mums behaviour but than later changed his excuse to her being a hoarder and when questioned again years later he accused his mum of being an alcoholic not sure any of this is true. No reason ever given for not meeting his dad, sister, brother, aunties or childhood friends.
@ClaryFairchild thank you

Just wanted to say I would never judge anyone on MH problems or addiction so no reason behind it really.
I've been an idiot and I'll certainly try my best to have zero contact & visit this thread.

You've already worked it out for yourself... well done as it's really not an easy journey/lesson to learn.
You gotta find out what you enjoy doing in your life, what makes you happy and feel alive. Also what don't you like.
Keep on going... you got this. Find your happiness and the rest will follow

You are being way too harsh on yourself here op…. “Stupid bitch”??? I don’t think you are!! Ok, you’ve made some less than stellar decisions, but my god, haven’t we all?? And, you’ve realised and binned him, which is great. Write a list of all his weird cocklodging ways and stick it to your fridge. Read it everyday to remind yourself that he brought NOTHING to your table…..
Stick to your guns here op…head up, shoulders back and onwards….without dragging that bloody dead weight behind you!!! Good luck xx

Agree with @buildingthefuture. Your language towards yourself is so harsh. Try to be kind to yourself. I'm sure you wouldn't use these words to describe another woman in your situation.

I got involved with a delight in September 2020. He was up and down and in and out my life and then in july 2021 he stayed in my life for 9 months in a row. He ofcourse loved me. He was older than me. He had just stopped working because he was caught smoking a J on site! He was rubbish with money. Obsessed with his ex. Angry and addicted to female attention. He had history of alcohol addiction and had broken relationships with most his family. No decent friends and lived in a poor dodgy area. He should have been set for life as he earned around £700 to £1000 a week. But he had spent it all. Muggings here paid for his shopping for 9 months. Paid for his clothes. Paid some of his bills. Bought him takeaways and bits for his home. Because he was always saying "we will get there soon and you will want for nothing when I'm working"

6 months ago he was acting strange. Phone use changed. We had a bad relationship anyway because he was always angry. I looked through his phone and he was messaging his ex and perving on other women too. He hadn't changed. He was a liar.

He's now back working full time and owes me hundreds. But he's blocked me everywhere and it was like ididnt exist.

What's helped me.

5 therapy sessions.
You tube videos
My new love of walking through the forest.
Concentrating on me and my kids.
Treating myself!
Journaling.

Make a plan. What do you need to make sense of? What will help? There's always a part after that may last months where you need to heal and it requires alot of hard work but it certainly is paying of for me now.x