Should I tell her?

[PeloDramatic]

I've just found out the guy I've been seeing for the last 9 months conveniently forgot to mention his ex.. isn't an ex
Absolutely devastated at the minute. I have thousands and thousands of messages from him, photos, the lot
What would you do? I have messaged him but no reply as yet (he's working)
New NC as I didn't want it linked

Yes. I’d want to know.

I'd absolutely want to know! Tell her, but be nice and gentle in approach x

I would definitely want to know. She will probably want to shoot the messenger though so don't expect to be thanks.

Yes. She should know. There will ne plenty of people who will probably advise you to cut him off and stay out of it but honestly I'd want to know.

Please tell her - I was on the receiving end of this and I wish someone had told me.

The only way is via FB, I don't have any other way. I'm prepared to send stuff and block so I don't take the hit for it
Been here before. Opened up and bang, hurt again

Tell her.

What a horrible guy!

Tell her OP.

Tell her. Why should a whole generation of women be sacrificed as pioneers for this kind of behaviour that is fuelled by a fusion of porn, social media and male privilege.

Had you been seeing him on a regular basis for 9 months?

We're there no signs he was with someone?

I would appreciate being told.

Yes
And nope, nothing. We live a little distance apart but I met his colleagues, he met my family etc

Definitely tell.

Horrible man. If I was in her position I’d would want to know. Tell her.

Yes I’d definitely tell he’d.

I probably wouldn’t do it immediately like not in the next couple of days, he is going to be trying to cover up stuff like mad now he knows you know. I’d start by telling him to fuck right off and block him.

then I’d probably leave it a couple of days to compose myself so you can send a message that isn’t totally driven by anger and emotion.

bare in mind that on Facebook the messages which come from non friends aren’t always seen. I can never find mine on the app and end up missing random messages that people send me. If fb is the only way you can do it then I wouldn’t just send it all in one message and block, there’s absolutely no guarantee she’ll see it anytime soon, I’d send an introduction message and say you’d like to talk to her about her partner and could she message you when she have privacy to talk?

she may well shoot the messenger OP but that’s to be expected, no one wants to believe someone they love has done such a thing, it’s denial and misplaced anger at first. She’ll be thankful eventually.

@Googlecanthelpme strangely he doesn't seem to be
Her profile is open still, he hasn't replied to my message or blocked me and he's love reacted her new profile pic of them

What an awful thing to discover but of course you need to tell her. Sure it's not a nice thing to have to do but she should know as I'm sure you would want to.

Definitely tell her. I'd want to know. She will be upset I'm sure but will probably be very grateful in time, you'd be helping her

100% tell her. She deserves to know. I'd definitely appreciate someone telling me, and I'm sure you would do.

There's no guarantee that she'll believe you, or that you won't be on the receiving end of some anger, but at least you'll have done the right thing. Tell her, give her the evidence, and then leave it. What she then chooses to do with that information is up to her. You'll have done your part.

Small update before I NC again
I told her, she's grateful. They've been together for a decade and she had no idea

I'm still heartbroken, fuming, and all the rest

Good on you OP, I'd want to know too

It wasn't for revenge, it was because I'm sick of men thinking they can get away with it
And if women don't speak up about it, they keep doing it. If he wanted me to say nice things about him, he should have behaved better

Well done OP. I'm sure it's really upsetting for you, at least now you know though. I'm sure his 'other' partner is also devastated, at least now she knows though.