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Relationships

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I could do with your take on this...

39 replies

Palmtreesprings · 02/09/2022 16:19

Hi, this is my first post so please try and be nice to me.

I'm fairly new to the dating game after a hideous split from my ex 2 years ago. After hearing so many unpleasant things about OLD, I decided to join a dating agency.

Lo and behold they matched me with this man and he got in contact with me (we are both 50 years old, so not kids!). We arranged to have a date and it went really well and he asked me out on another one. He booked to take me to dinner and we had another great date. We had so much in common, we had good banter and he seemed extremely keen.

We then couldn't meet the following week because I had friends to stay, we were in contact each day and a few times he asked to speak with me on the phone, this wasn't always possible as I had lots of people around me but I did always make an effort to call him back if I didn't answer.

He was hugely complimentary about me and said that he really enjoyed talking with me as I made him feel like he could be himself and that it just felt natural. He fed back to the agency that he'd had two great dates with me, found me very attractive and that I had good banter. We tried to meet up before he then went on holiday but he then said he wouldn't have time because work had gotten really busy and was I OK with that because it would be quite a long time until we met again. Of course I said I was OK with it because there wasn't really any other choice and I didn't want to come over all demanding!

On the Friday we exchanged texts in the morning and I went off to have the day with my friends. He text me in the evening to saying "You're very quiet" followed by "Are you having a good night?". I didn't reply until the following morning as I had left my phone in a friend's car. I joked and said 'Ahh did you miss me?!" and he replied "Yeah right" followed up with "I love talking to you when I can get a word in edgeways!". I said next time he can do the talking when we speak.

He phone me that night so I let him do the talking although it has to be said he was pretty hungover as he'd been to a party. I mentioned that I might be down nearer his way the next day as I needed to drop my son off (we live about 90 minutes apart currently although he is moving nearer me). He said to let him know if I was as he might try and come up and meet me so I left the call feeling buoyant that he seemed really keen and I really liked him too.

The next day I sent him a message around midday saying "Feeling more human?" to which he replied "Yes I am thanks", this for him was a pretty short reply, there was none of his usual warmth or a follow up question to invoke conversation. I then went on to send another one saying that I'm not coming down his way today but did he want to chat later (he had always asked if I wanted to chat, so I felt it was only fair to balance it out by asking him). His replay was "I'll be out later" - again, nothing like his usual banter and easy conversation. To be honest, I felt really confused and dare I say it a little bit hurt by these curt replies so sent one back saying "I sense from your short answers that perhaps this has run it's course, I really enjoyed meeting you though" to which he replied "I feel it has, take care". I was completely stunned by his response given his level of contact during the week - it just didn't make any sense to me.

The agency contacted me to ask how things were progressing so I rang and told them what happened and that I was very confused. They were very confused too as they said they felt very excited about our match and that he had given really positive feedback. They explained that they had heard from him and he'd said that he decided not to progress it but that it ended amicably. I explained to the lady about the text I had sent and she felt that perhaps he'd taken it the wrong way and that I was finishing it and that his ego had perhaps gotten in the way so he fired off a curt response back. I can tell from talking to him and he is a real 'man's man' so perhaps he didn't take well to my message and now I feel stupid for sending it as I just reacted quickly based off of his short replies. I did explain that I had expressed to him that this was based on his short replies to me but she said some man don't really pick up on the nuances of things that we might do as women.

She thinks I should message him so that I know once and for all if it was a miscommunication or indeed he just kind of switched off his feelings over night. I explained that I would feel really crappy if he just blew me out again or worried that I might come across as some kind of bunny boiler which she laughed at. Or even worse, what if he ignored me!!

I sent the message over two weeks ago and to be honest I have really missed our chats and banter and feel like we may have missed an opportunity to at least explore what it might have been a bit more before cutting it dead.

Any of your insights to this tediously long post would be much appreciated as I am stuck wondering if I should or not as I can't work out if he just suddenly went cold or something else was going on.

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 02/09/2022 18:46

The thing is, too much texting and not enough meeting, can put a strain on it.
Yes he texted differently and was holding back. I'd say that was probably frustration from the gaps in your communication, which seem many, and yes you gave reasons. But really, it's not that hard to send a text even when socialising with mates, you can do it within a loo trip if you don't want to appear rude.
He probably is a person who likes regular communication. Most people text when socialising these days, it's become an accepted norm and not really considered rude if it's just a few over time. You seem to compartmentalise, friends and dating whereas it is possible to balance both. I'd say your gaps were not to his taste.

Choconut · 02/09/2022 18:51

I wonder if it all went a bit south starting with your 'feeling more human?' message - could he have taken that as you being a bit snarky and that's why his replies were short? Then you jump right into it's run it's course but I really enjoyed meeting you (this could sound pretty insincere, like a brush off IMO). Texts are impossible to get the tone from.

It's hard to know but maybe it's just got too messy to get back even if it is a misunderstanding. But if you like him enough then there's nothing to lose with one last message. I'd say you've been thinking about it and you're not sure if you inadvertently ended things when really you were just looking for reassurance after his short messages - but you miss his conversation and wondered if he really had moved on.

Doyoumind · 02/09/2022 18:56

I don't understand why you sent that message. You were clearly telling him it was over for you and if that didn't get the reaction you expected, it's down to you. It's a lesson not to play games. I would just chalk it up to experience and move on.

schmalex · 02/09/2022 19:04

You dumped him OP, I'm not sure what you're confused about!

You can't tell someone a relationship has run its course and then expect them to come running - that's game playing.

Sandra1984 · 02/09/2022 19:05

I would send him a friendly
message Apologizing for the mess up. You have zero to loose. He does sounds a tad too sensitive, but you too. If he doesn’t reply or doesn’t sound interested then I would rest the case and move on. That 5000 agency is way too expensive to play games.

Ohahjustalittlebit · 02/09/2022 19:11

For 5k I would be double texting him lol Honestly just sent him something and if he gets back great and if not then you know its done.

Oopsiedaisyy · 02/09/2022 19:13

5k?!? I'll stick to Tinder, where I did meet someone who i haven't managed to accidentally dump😂

Iamacatslave · 02/09/2022 19:20

Send one last friendly text….

Surtsey · 02/09/2022 19:24

That Friday when you were out with your friends and he messaged you but you didn't reply until the next morning?

I reckon he suspects you were seeing someone else that evening/all night.

cstx89 · 02/09/2022 19:29

Send him a friendly message and fingers crossed he gets back in touch.

Keep us posted!

alwaysmovingforwards · 02/09/2022 19:48

schmalex · 02/09/2022 19:04

You dumped him OP, I'm not sure what you're confused about!

You can't tell someone a relationship has run its course and then expect them to come running - that's game playing.

Yup that's my take.

All the posters saying he's the game player.. I think our OP is the game player.

And ended up getting played by her own game.

ThirtyThreeTrees · 02/09/2022 20:05

If you text someone saying "think this has run it's course", 99% of people will say yes. It will be true in a lot of cases and in others the person it's going to beg someone to change there might.

Essentially, you dumped him and he accepted it without any push back. Most normal people would do the same.

You did this. If you really regret it, contact him but be prepared for either a positive or negative response. Impossible to second guess his response.

Wildflowerbeauty · 09/09/2022 17:54

So what’s the update on this ?

mycatisannoying · 10/09/2022 09:49

I think you're overthinking the whole thing. Sometimes things do just run their course, and sometimes someone's keenness isn't entirely genuine.

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