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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do? Need to get expensive item back off NC mother.

6 replies

ThanksAntsThants · 02/09/2022 13:14

Hi, I need some input about a tricky problem.

I have gone NC with my mother. I did post on here about it a while ago but it may not have been under this username. Basically without going back into the whole torrid history of our relationship she’s verbally and emotionally abusive and always has been. I finally had enough a couple of months ago after another one of her outbursts and she’s been blocked ever since.

Anyway, my issue is that she borrowed a Dyson hot cold fan thing off me some time ago when her heating packed up, and due to me not needing it I’ve just never got round to getting it back. Now the autumn is coming on and fuel prices are going through the roof I need it back. It will be cheaper for me to heat a single room than put the heating on. I’m already struggling so really need to find as many ways to save money as possible.

I was going to ask my sister to get it for me but mother has now recruited her as a flying monkey, and although my sister is arm’s length with my mother, she’s reverted to how we were conditioned, making herself responsible for mother’s emotional well being and trying to bring me back into line.

I don’t have anyone else to fetch it for me so I’m going to have to do it myself. I’m not sure how to approach it as I know whatever I do my mother will try and ambush me either to have a go or to turn on the tears.

Any ideas or advice you could offer would be much appreciated. Thank you

OP posts:
MrsWooster · 02/09/2022 13:16

A very neutral letter, almost legal in tone, saying I shall be collecting my Dyson fan on there XX of September. It’s most appropriate if you could leave it outside as I don’t think Contact is good for either of us. Regards, Ant

YomAsalYomBasal · 02/09/2022 13:22

I think you should just buy a new one. Doesn't have to be a Dyson. These narcs will use any excuse to have control, don't let her.

heldinadream · 02/09/2022 13:38

Make an arrangement to pick it up.
Take a friend. Brief friend on issue as fully as possible. Instruct friend to turn on the charm with your mother while you go in and retrieve Dyson.

How lovely to meet you, Mrs AntsMum, I've heard so much about you!

Mum won't know what to say, she'll be wrong footed. Once you've got the Dyson safely outside, just both leave. Make sure friend is not going to weaken to any offers of tea.

Jobsagoodn.

ThanksAntsThants · 02/09/2022 13:57

I can’t afford to buy another heater, I’m struggling for money as it is.

I can’t take a friend round with me, there is literally nobody I can ask, I don’t have anybody.

OP posts:
FreudayNight · 02/09/2022 14:00

A neighbour or work colleague?

coukd you butter her up and pretend to apologize for all your wrong deeds for ever, until you get your hands on it. Then flee?

Justcallmebebes · 02/09/2022 14:01

Courier/taxi to collect it?

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