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Original poster

Ex doesnt want to have children when they are unwell

19 replies

Hehx3 · 02/09/2022 07:41

Hi, as per thread title my ex husband refuses to take children to his when they are unwell (regardless if it is a cold or headache or runny nose or leg is hurting...). Im tired of that and Im feeling like he is taking an advantage. I work full time, doing the majority of care (they are with me about 80% of time) and needs some breathing from time to time. If its relevant he pays CMS. Am i being unreasonable to want to raise that with him?

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 02/09/2022 07:43

How much is he supposed to have them ?

Original poster
Hehx3 · 02/09/2022 07:51

Every other weekend and Friday after school

OP posts:
Triffid1 · 02/09/2022 07:55

Surely then he has them every other weekend and after school. I know itz easy for me to say but I think I would laugh at him if he tried to send them back. Does he pay according to cms calculator only? In which case, perhaps every time he refuses to have them ask him for the increase he should be paying as they aren't with him.

More seriously op, I am sorry. Why are men such dicks sometimes. It must be hard for.your dc.

ebri91 · 02/09/2022 07:58

Hell yes. His days are his days regardless of whether or not the kids have norovirus, covid etc. His kids too. Why should you always be the one mopping up sick and getting woken by rattling coughs!!

millymollymoomoo · 02/09/2022 08:09

Well I think ideally if they are Iill on his time thdn he should be capable of looking after them and should deal with it

hiwever, I also know with myself and Ken children that when they are I’ll they just want to be at home in their own beds with their mum !

upwater · 02/09/2022 08:13

Really pathetic. Just send them to dad's with the medicine. If he doesn't collect them, then take them to his house.

IrishladyNE · 02/09/2022 08:30

I have had this problem and still do to extent. Last time my 8 year old had sickness bug he was refusing to have her. She wasn't being sick anymore I had done the hard part of being up all night. However, this time I could not get out of work so I forced him. He is not happy bunny when his life/routine is disrupted. It was so hard from me when she was smaller and got sick regularly I had to phone in sick and it did not look good. He would not budge to help out.

CateringForThree · 02/09/2022 08:30

What happens when he picks them up and they have let’s say a headache or a cold?
Does he ring you to ask you to pick them up, refuse to take them with him? Or expect you to let him know before hand?

I have to say, I’d make myself scarce and refuse to come and pick them up.
Id also be clear that unless it’s a hospital type of issue, then he needs to deal with it. A leg that is hurting is something he should be able to deal with!!

buzzbuzzybuzz · 02/09/2022 08:35

Why does he not want them? Has he said?

I think I would make an exception for vomiting bugs and covid and then he must swap weekends to make up the time. Anything else he has them and if they get a vomiting bug or covid while they are with him then you too should be able to say they stay with dad until recovered.

Original poster
Hehx3 · 02/09/2022 08:58

Hi@CateringForThree @IrishladyNE @KangarooKenny @Triffid1 @buzzbuzzybuzz @ebri91 @millymollymoomoo @upwater And anyone that I have missed, thank you for replies.
He says to them he doesn't want to catch anything (although when older had a pain in the knee I had them back anyway). Sometimes he justifies this that his girlfriend kids (both older girls) should not be at risk of catching sthg as well. All of that is explained to my older. To me he just says to pick them up as they both “want” to come back… which is a partially true as they do prefer to be with me…
re maintenance he only pays minimum what he has to and will not pay me any additional for those days. So it feels like Im screwed on both ends. But I am exhausted myself too.

OP posts:
FilePhoto · 02/09/2022 09:03

Yanbu. My ex didn't/doesn't have them when they are ill, when he is ill, when his step/ other kids are ill, when his wife is ill. He didn't/ doesn't pay maintenance either.

They are older teens now and choose to hardly see him. You can't make him have them, even if you had a court order you can't actually make him.

caringcarer · 02/09/2022 09:09

My bastard ex gave my 2 boys food poisoning by not cooking turkey properly on Boxing day the first Xmas after we separated. They were supposed to be at his for 3 days instead I got phone call evening of Boxing day, they had only gone over that morning, stating he was bringing them back as both kept vomitting. Son said turkey was pink but Dad had told them it was fine. I was so bloody angry especially as ex was not sick too.

Chdjdn · 02/09/2022 09:15

I wouldn’t tell him beforehand; let him pick them up then message saying oh just to let you know they’ve got a slight cold etc.
We found with DSD that if she was really unwell (needing time off school) then she preferred to be at home with her mum but if she was happy to come to us then she would as that’s just part of parenting for DH and being a step parent on my behalf

buzzbuzzybuzz · 02/09/2022 09:20

Sometimes he justifies this that his girlfriend kids (both older girls) should not be at risk of catching sthg as well. as a stepmum I totally get that which is partly why I suggest vomiting and covid be exceptions, it's one of the very few benefits of having two homes. Anything else and they just have to accept they are a family.

buzzbuzzybuzz · 02/09/2022 09:21

caringcarer · 02/09/2022 09:09

My bastard ex gave my 2 boys food poisoning by not cooking turkey properly on Boxing day the first Xmas after we separated. They were supposed to be at his for 3 days instead I got phone call evening of Boxing day, they had only gone over that morning, stating he was bringing them back as both kept vomitting. Son said turkey was pink but Dad had told them it was fine. I was so bloody angry especially as ex was not sick too.

Omg! No he should have kept them until they were better. What is with these losers!

Musti · 02/09/2022 09:28

My kids always want me when they’re ill because I’ve been their primary carer even though I now have them 50/50.

I also always wanted my mum when I was ill even once I’d left home. My dad is a great dad and theyre still together but I couldn’t imagine going to him when i was poorly.

He should pay you for those days though.

IrishladyNE · 02/09/2022 09:39

I think for covid that fine but sickness bugs, cold and flu etc they should be able to take care of childcare. What? they don't want a catch it. Especially uses this as an excuse when the father has created a blended family. My child is a part of that family. Would you send a resident child to live somewhere else because they are sick? total cop out.

ImustLearn2Cook · 02/09/2022 09:42

💐yanbu. As a single mum I totally sympathise and get it. Unfortunately they are probably better off with you when they’re ill because of his attitude. He might not do his best to make them feel comfortable and well cared for if he is resentful and angry.

It’s terribly unfair that there are men who only want the easier parts of parenting.

Lilithslove · 02/09/2022 14:31

Do the children actually want to go between houses when they are ill? I don't think I'd want to be forced to get out my bed and go and stay somewhere else if I was sick.

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