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Original poster

He forgot to pick up our child and then (kind of) lied about where he was??

14 replies

thismorningisnottoday · 01/09/2022 22:50

Firstly I must admit that I am quite a suspicious person, and I try not to, but I have accused him unfoundedly before because I am insecure and have been cheated on in the past. I know it doesn't condone it but just explaining for context.

We have been together for a very long time and have a 12 year old.

I was working today and he was off and so we arranged that he would collect DS. This happens most weeks and was definitely confirmed and confirmed again by text at around 10am.

Anyway I got a call from DC saying that he had just walked home because dad hadn't turned up.

This would be unbelievably, unbelievably, NOT like DP. Not at all. He prides himself on being meticulous and to add - DS has also never before today walked home himself we always collect him.

I was worried something had happened so I called DP. When he picked up he was in the house and said that he was thinking about other things, completely forgot and that he only remembered about DS when I called him.

After confirming DS was okay, I asked did he go to our allotment today. He immediately replied "not today" then tried to change the subject. I asked again cause I thought it sounded weird and he said "Oh yes, earlier" , then became abrupt and really tried to get me off the phone.

There is a woman at the allotment beside ours who I got annoyed earlier this year (not at her, at him) because DP made a comment about how she seemed so uptight and 'needs a good seeing to'. She is attractive and our age and has no kids. I got really annoyed and this type of comment is not like him either. So he knows I have my back up about her.

I really, really, don't think that there is any physical affair. She does not seem the type to go with someone who she knows has a partner, and knowing him as I do, he would act much more consistently weird if he was having an affair. However it is so strange that he completely forgot to pick up our DS and then lied.

Firstly he maintained that he didn't lie because he was at home in the afternoon (when he was supposed to pick up DS) and he "meant" he was there "this morning but not today" 🤔🤔, and then maintains he didn't lie, just 'dismissed me attacking him'.

The thing is, I am not sure of he is reacting because of how I have accused for no reason in the past (sort of like how you might act different when walking past police even if not broken law) or there is something to worry about.

OP posts:

CherrySocks · 01/09/2022 23:12

Kind of off topic but why didn't your son ring his father direct?

Original poster

thismorningisnottoday · 01/09/2022 23:15

@CherrySocks For some reason he hasn't got his dad's number saved. Anything non-app-related is soo uncool and for dinosaurs!!

OP posts:

Original poster

thismorningisnottoday · 02/09/2022 15:33

bump if anyone has any advice

OP posts:

BendingSpoons · 02/09/2022 15:39

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he may have lied to avoid you questioning him about the allotments. You were presumably annoyed he forgot to pick up DS (understandably) so he was possibly trying to gloss over where he went.

I don't see the two are particularly linked, as presumably he was at home when you called, as your DS was due back soon, so would have confirmed if he was lying.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 02/09/2022 15:46

It sounds like a storm in a teacup. Ds was able to walk himself home, so no harm done. Dh will be evasive if you don't trust him. His comment about the other woman was crap, but it doesn't mean he was having an affair. It isn't your dh's fault that you've been cheated on in the distant past, so try not to punish him for something he probably hasn't done, otherwise you'll end up pushing him away.

Original poster

thismorningisnottoday · 02/09/2022 15:50

@BendingSpoons Yeah I am not sure how linked they are. I know he wasn't at the allotments when DS was nearly home and called me then I called DP after. He was definitely at home. My line of thought was that P was so 'distracted' by being at the allotment earlier in the day, that he forgot to pick up DS. It is so, so unbelievably unlike him. DS is nearly a teenager and it has never happened before.

I wasn't annoyed when I called him, as I know these things happen (I've fell asleep before!!) and DS was okay. I was actually making light of it and telling him not to worry. Then I said "Were you are the allotments?" and he immediately replied "Not today". Didn't sound right so a minute or so later I asked him again and he replied "Oh yes, earlier" then was desperate to get off the phone.

Just seems strange.

OP posts:

SecondRow · 02/09/2022 15:50

When your son walked home was his dad there to let him in? Or was he ringing you because there was nobody home? I may be confused about the timeline but when you called DP and he said he was in the house and just forgot, your son could confirm this, is that right?

BruceAndNosh · 02/09/2022 15:51

The most shocking thing in this thread is that your son doesn't have his fathers name saved in his phone

Original poster

thismorningisnottoday · 02/09/2022 15:52

@PutinIsAWarCriminal Yes I know that I shouldn't show mistrust. I just find it so strange that he completely forgot to pick up DS and then lied about where he'd been earlier in the day.

OP posts:

SecondRow · 02/09/2022 15:53

Sorry cross post.

Maybe the weirdness was just him being defensive about having forgotten, then, as it is out of character.

Original poster

thismorningisnottoday · 02/09/2022 15:56

@BruceAndNosh How is that even relevant. It's me who picks him up 90% of the time, and DS only got a phone not long ago.

@SecondRow When DS called me, DS was nearly home (say 10 mins away). I then called DP and then DS got in 10 minutes later and DP was definitely in by that time yes. I suppose he could have quickly came back as allotment not far away.

OP posts:

Josette77 · 02/09/2022 15:56

It doesn't sound like he lied, he was just distracted. I think you need to be careful not to destroy your marriage with your dstrust.

Beees · 02/09/2022 16:03

Josette77 · 02/09/2022 15:56

It doesn't sound like he lied, he was just distracted. I think you need to be careful not to destroy your marriage with your dstrust.

Agree with this. It sounds like he knew you would accuse him of something as you have in the past. Being distracted happens to all of us at times, does he have a lot going on at the moment?

Also I'm genuinely amazed you didn't put both your numbers in your sons phone when he got it and that at 12 he's never walked home before.

orbitalcrisis · 02/09/2022 18:19

First thing I did when I got the children phones was to save all the numbers they needed...

Anyway. Your husband would not make a comment like that about someone he wanted to have sex with. It was not a compliment. He wanted to get you off the topic because you'd go off on one about her. Stop being so paranoid or you actually will drive him away.

And your son has proved he's capable of walking home. Let him, the exercise and freedom will do him good.

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