Why do men behave like this

[thebeachismyhappyplace2]

Met a guy on bumble about 8 weeks ago (an estate agent!) and we exchanged numbers and chatted on WhatsApp every night. Anyway about 2 weeks after we’d been chatting (before we’d even met up) he vanished for 2 days and hadn’t even read my messages. He told me he’d been in hospital with food poisoning. Decided to believe him as there hadn’t been any other red flags at this point. We went on 3 amazing dates and he was a real gentleman, there was great chemistry and we kissed at end of night. I then went to Greece with my kids and again he went quiet on WhatsApp for 2 days…apparently he went on a phone free camping weekend with a couple of mates. Did think it was a bit odd but again as we’re getting on really well I chose to believe him and I really liked him and he seemed very into me. When I got back from my holiday we went uk Oxford together for 2 nights. Had what I thought was a lovely weekend. Then since then he has gone cold on me, just a few shorts messages. I knew something wasn’t right as he was very distant. He then goes quiet again for 2 days then eventually last Saturday night he replies back to my message saying he’s come down with covid and has been in hospital where they later discharged him with painkillers. Initially I didn’t even bother replying as he clearly couldn’t even be bothered to make up a better lie…just complete bullshit!!! 2 days later I sent him a message telling him how rubbish it was that he couldn’t just be honest with me and that I didn’t deserve to be treated like this. Well he hasn’t even read my WhatsApp message I sent on Monday.
Just cannot believe that anyone can behave like this. Why not just be honest if he’s changed his mind. Clearly a serial player and a compulsive liar! To be fair I’m newly single as just going through a divorce so I’m out the loop a bit and vulnerable. Has really put me off dating! Are there lots of guys OLD like this and why do they do it?

Personally I really would not bother with dating sites, I am not newly single I have been single for ages. I have tried bumble a few times and it is has been very similar behaviour every single time. If you are vulnerable I really would not go there because it can just make you feel horrendous.

If a person can do this to you when you've known them so briefly, you need to secure your faith in your own sanity, and secure your heart a bit more firmly before you start. One man you barely know going cold on you has no bearing on whether you're an idiot or not. One man you barely know going cold on you ought not to have a powerful emotional effect on you.

The question is, why does this near stranger have such a powerful effect on you? Why have you given him that power?

'Why do men do this?' is not the question to concentrate on. People will do things that are not right for you. Trying to manage that by 'working them out' is a massive waste of your time. Even if you work out why, they're still treating you poorly, and you still need to put distance between them and you. What's the point in trying to understand why a person you don't want in your life behaves the way they do?

In my experience all the liars on apps have a trip to the hospital at one point early in the talking stage. I don’t know why they do it but they must get something out of it.

I suspect most of the guys on these apps who disappear and reappear with various vague excuses like "trips to the hospital" for food poisoning or whatever other nonsense are married and just stepping out on their families for a little adventure.... They disappear on weekends when they're with the family and have to turn off and tuck away that second phone that wife doesn't know he has.... the one with all the dating apps and text messages from prospects who know him by some alias.

Most likely all of the details he's told Op about himself and his life has very little relationship with the truth. I doubt he's even an estate agent. He just thinks that profession sounds impressive.

Sadly, you are going to need to toughen up.

You’ve been speaking to him for less than two months, have met him three times, and you’ve already given him the power to make you feel like this.

I just wanted to share solidarity with you (see my other thread where I got both support AND thrashed). I had an OLD fail, too.

However, rather than focusing on his terrible behaviour you could take solace in that your instincts were bang on. When his bizarre excuses appeared you heard your bullshit radar blaring. The only mistake you made was proceeding to give him the benefit of the doubt. I’ve learned this lesson, too.

Agree with Watchkeys, as ever.