I can't do it anymore I'm broken

[BrokenRainbow22]

I really just need a handhold please. I'm struggling mentally its been almost 2 weeks he's sent another letter. I just can't cope without him I know it sounds pathetic but I'm just not used to this life. I sent him £150 Monday as I know he probably had no money just so he wasn't going without any basic essentials.

The letter says...
To child 1 & child 2
Hope you OK, always thinking about you, don't forget daddy loves you, if you can daddy will see you Thursday if not tell kids to enjoy there self if get the letter, if not Friday if you don't get it in time I'll meet you by the park at 12 and drop you back there at 3 lots of love.

Then it goes on to say
I don't want nothing from you or anything to do with you anymore I'd rather have nothing than have you back in my life you lied to me and your kids always

I'm just devastated because I'm now thinking its all my fault, its just horrible how he's treating me.

You can cope without him; he seemingly cannot manage without you however to bash about mentally hence his letter writing. That letter was designed to hurt you and it did as he intended.

Its not your fault he is acting like this and he is doing this because he can.

I would further start formalising all contact arrangements through the court system rather than have any informal arrangement. He probably sees you as a right idiot and I daresay the £150 you were silly enough to send him was not spent on essentials either. Stop sending him money as of now because you need that for your children; the children he's chosen to leave.

@AttilaTheMeerkat he sent the money back in the envelope. It has hurt me, the way he has put it is just so cruel and cold😪

Never send him any money again.

You need that money more than he does and he is with someone who is looking after him. His actions were purely designed to hurt you. Let go of any and all hope that he will see the light and or apologise or change for the better. This is who he really is.

I would seriously consider formalising all contact arrangements re the children going forward. If he can do this to you so very easily as the children's mother he is in no way a good father to them.

@AttilaTheMeerkat I definatley won't be doing anything like that again, could have been polite and said thanks but no thanks.
Do you mean go through contact centre for him to see the children or not let him have contact at all?

He's an illiterate moron. The state of his grammar! But that is the least of your problems, he's got you thinking in a twisted way. What @Meerkat says, that's what you need to do.

I’m so sorry. I don’t know the whole story, but it sounds like you are going through a tough time. You can manage without him and build a better life for you and the kids. Lots of people say that parents separating can be more positive for the kids than if they stay together but unhappily. Wishing you all the best!

How old are the children?.

If he wants to see his children going forward then I would use a contact centre to facilitate access.

Have you contacted womans aid at all?

I wouldn’t be allowing contact with supervision, he was extremely abusive and controlling to you and although you’ve said in a past thread that he isn’t a threat to your child it just isn’t true, abusers always try to manipulate those around them and your children will suffer.
He will try to turn them against you and will use any means possible to still control you.
Please go through the correct people and get the support you need and use a contact centre for your children.
I was emotionally and physically abused, it’s been years and I’m still not over everything I went through but my life is much better now. You need to give yourself time to adjust and heal

I have had a skim read through your previous threads..

You are already aware he is abusive.. His concern is about you speaking to your friend us isolation is part of the control..

Have you got a phone yet.

I left my abusive ex. One thing i did was watch hospital dramas because i wasn't allowed to. It sounds silly but was a really big thing...

The more you start to do what you want to the easier it gets.

I would ignore letters to the house.. I would wait for something formal from a solicitor.

I have got a phone now just an old one of my friends child. Nothing fancy but at least I can call and text on it.

I haven't contacted women's aid, I was going to contact my idva from a while ago and see if she can get me any counselling and help me move.

He's done you a massive favour, only you can't see it now but you will in time.

Put your energies into your children and the new, free life you can have without him. He's a controlling, violent, manipulative, abuser and you are well rid

Seconding the illiterate moron comment. Think of him as just a sperm donor and move on from him. He sounds horrid. You have a free life ahead of you - don't worry about him.

Use that phone and call Women's Aid.
0808 2000 247

You need counseling. They are there to provide that for you. Please call.

Stop thinking you have rescue this horrible man. Stop trying to be nice. Your goodness is wasted on him.