Has anybody ever decided to cut ties with siblings for MH?

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I don't get along with my sister, just being around her stresses me out. We've had our ups and downs over the many years, but ultimately I don't find it inside me. She's staying for a week (and I only accepted to stop the grief of why didn't I want to meet) but just her presence stresses me out. We have VERY different ways to look at life and our lives are simply very different. I think I can manage a couple of days but that's about it. My therapist says there's way too much to clear and that maybe the healthiest thing is just to accept it and move on (but my family normally pressures us to meet). Yesterday, I just couldn't handle it anymore (I had to broker what my DD really wanted to do, plus work was having a meltdown over a client call) and just snapped out of it. But what to do next?

I am quite fond of my DSis and wouldn't want to lose contact with her entirely, but she does stress me out with her way of handling life. Luckily we live a fair distance apart so I don't need to see her face to face more than a couple of times a year. Then I keep it on neutral territory and not for too long. My main tip would be to only speak to her via texts or emails. Her calls always put me on edge and I made commitments I later regretted, or she manipulated my words. Having things in black and white helps me considerably.

You need to stop her staying over.

Keep yourself busy or make it look like you are, so when she tries to invite herself over again say you have to check in your diary. Then simply don't get back to her about any dates. If she pushes say you aren't free. If she pushes again say your child is doing X and Y so you aren't free.

Also if you communicate by messages then take your time - hours then days - to reply.

Thanks for your replies. They definitely have helped me to not feel like a "bad person".

Yep, I barely speak to mine and that's fine with me. For very long and complicated reasons its better that way- my MH can't take any more. Onwards and upwards

I did and it was one of the best I have ever done, all mine are older and one, lives 30 yards from me, but hasn't spoken to me in almost 6 years, last Christmas she posted a card through my letter box, she then went to deliver a few more within the square, I picked it up, walked over to her house and threw it over the gate as she was walking back and I came home. The other two live within 12 miles and despite me being less then 10 feet away from me and seeing me as clear as day, not a squeak from them, not ever a glance.

I've had enough shit in my life, they can get on. They've pissed me off so much, I have a letter to be open as soon as possible after my death, requesting a doorman at the church to stop them entering for my service, that's if they turn up.

No regrets from me.

Is there a healthy medium between staying over and no contact because I can probably count the number of people I would want staying over for more than a few days on one hand. It can be really stressful having a visitor for that length of time. Could you just meet out or is that not feasible because of distance?

I don't hate her. I feel bad that I don't have it in me to "fight" for having a relationship, but I just can't be bothered? She has never apologised for criticising my parenting, plus she fated my bully (and had to listen to their intimate ins and outs), and once she said that I only got close to my uncle (who I really miss and love) because of his money.

It's not feasible because of distance. She lives in Switzerland and I live in Cornwall.

Yes I have. I had to do it to protect my own mental health and i feel like a weight has been lifted.

I lived with the fear of my phone constantly ringing as they had been injured, lifted by the police or were in a drunken stupor somewhere.

My life is much happier and less stressful.

Could you be honest with her and say “stop criticising me especially when you’re staying in my home”.

Dh can’t quite cut himself off from his parents and brother, despite many good reasons to do so, so we manage meeting very carefully, only ever meet up for an hour or two and never eat together.

I had to cut off most contact with my mum, (bar Xmas and birthday cards) she was an alcoholic and after years of escalating abuse, I had to put myself and my own family first.

I've tried, but this time there's been two instances (same circumstances) when she told me that I was the adult and just needed to tell me DD to do as she's told.

Yes, I have. Older sister with bipolar disorder and a tendency to blame me for everything bad, real or imagined, that happens in her life. I expect to never see or hear from her again, and will not be receptive should she somehow make contact. I don't even need to know if she's alive or dead, she's a stranger. Somebody evil and spiteful inhabits the body of a sister I once loved, and I hate her.

Popping in to sympathise with toxic sibling dynamics but I don't have any real answers sorry.

Having to acknowledge every text message or face the questions about why I didn't reply, next time we meet, with comments like how I'd clearly had time to post on social media.

Being asked over text if I've blocked her number cos she couldn't get through on the phone. Turns out she had my number stored wrong.

I wouldn't have her back then. Honestly life is too short and you should be spending your energy on the people who actually add some positivity to your life.

Of course it makes sense to arrange just the level of contact that works for both of you.
Cards, the odd lunch. What good does it do HER staying with someone she criticizes and who quite understandably resents her for it?
A good bit of distance and boundaries, boundaries, boundaries can help create a civil, if not particularly close, relationship. Better to have that than not getting on.

You get to say, "Unfortunately we're already booked then / we can't fit that in"
You get to react to any ill-intentioned or thoughtless remarks with stony silence
She is allowed to be a very different person from you and have her own life and opinions - she's an adult - you don't have to approve or agree though!

At the moment she's driven you nuts, but she probably has some good points - most people do. The trick is to steer contact to situations where you get on best, and duck, cut short, or swerve anything else. Exhibit firm belief in any reasons you give ("I'm sorry but it really is so busy right now and work is madness, I'm exhausted") and don't be drawn into discussions or arguments.

Sometimes people are just so disfunctional that NC ends up being the solution, but NC comes with its own set of problems and LC can be less hassle. It's for you to judge!

I just never understood why my DM and sister were /are so stubborn about it. The latest was that both our toddlers deserved a relationship. I've always been of the opinion that whatever they can experience isn't a healthy relationship between their mothers and thus not beneficial.

Perfect when your DD is 16 she can go on Switzerland on a holiday and visit her aunt.

Until then you are really busy unless she comes to stay elsewhere in the UK.

Just a tiny vent, she's reproaching me because I'm ignoring her while at home. And that I'm not loving to my nephew

I’ve had all this with my brothers
they hate women-all women,and I was no1 woman of all women
i was a slag,whore,slut etc-to my face
they tried to pull me down into their vortex and destroy me
so I walked away-they still hate all women-and as I’m no1 woman,I’m to blame for all womenkind do but I don’t care
i got free and they can’t touch me-and they hate it

I really struggle because I have no affection. In general I wouldn't call myself the most affectionate but she sees her as a direct attack on her.

yes, both of them, and my life is better for it.

I have cut all ties with my brother. He is a narcissist and abused me when we were younger. He is a horrendous person and I needed to protect myself and my family from him.