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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Separating - Advice going forwards!

3 replies

NeedAdviceSeperation · 01/09/2022 09:28

My husband told me yesterday he is going to leave today and find somewhere to live. Last night on the phone to his mother, he told her he thought I was cheating on him (not happening at all), then said lots of things about how I didn’t smile enough at our wedding, how I always nit-pick and he’s too laid-back for that, he said lots of people think he’s awesome, she said some things but I’m not sure what was said but I think she asked why doesn’t he move back to them (they’re two hours away) this was all said in ear shot of me, there was laughing and joking in between them, I felt humiliated and deeply hurt. I have since sent a message to his mother explaining the many problems we had in our marriage, she should know too, she read it but hasn’t responded, it covered his lack of communication, verbal and emotional abuse, his constant drinking and telling me it’s my problem if I don’t like it. Last night I left the house after the call because I was in a state of shock. When I came back late last night, he must of looked in my bag and came into the kitchen and asked “Is he good!” He’d actually thought I went out, met up with this imagery man he thinks I’m cheating on him with and had sex. He asked why I had knickers in my bag, I actually had a top, make up, deodorant, spare knickers and a pillow and sheet, as I didn’t plan on coming home. He cheated on me in the early part of our relationship (not physical as far as I know) and had an emotional affair with a colleague about 5 years ago (not physical as far as I know) too.

Anyway, to those that have been through this, what are my next steps?

OP posts:
Agadoodoododont · 01/09/2022 10:00

Are you living in rented or do you own the property? Whose name is on tenancy agreement and deeds has a lot of bearing.
If he is going make sure you get his keys. Change locks if possible.
Don’t think at this point you have to exp,sun or justify yourself to anyone.
His comments to his mother ( people think he’s awesome ? Ffs) are childish. Ignore them.
If you have joint finances separate half of anything you have, get money into your own account.
If there are children to consider that’s more complicated but doable.
For now concentrate on you.

Agadoodoododont · 01/09/2022 10:01
  • explain or justify.
AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/09/2022 10:07

Your relationship was over or should have been the first time he cheated on you. I presume he spun you some line repeatedly about it not being physical or something and that amongst other weaselly words and tactics persuaded you to stay.

Is his mother of a similar nature to him?.

I would seek legal advice asap re divorce; this man is abusive and could make the whole process of you separating from him as long and protracted as possible. Are you in the UK: if you are married to him then I think the locks cannot be changed.

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