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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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6 replies

Pardonyou · 01/09/2022 00:27

I've asked my husband for a divorce. I have been unhappy for several years. He has known this. Anyhow, he is now asking if we can draw a line in the sand and work to stay together. I am just sick of feeling so miserable. The relationship is effecting my mental health and self worth. I'm conflicted because I have given him more than a decade of my life and we have kids together. The kids love him and would miss seeing him everyday.

OP posts:
JestersTear · 01/09/2022 00:35

Have you told him what's making you feel miserable and is it something that you feel can be fixed?

I was with a guy for 3 years, and every six months I would get so fed up that I'd try and end the relationship. He would always beg for, and get given, a 2nd chance "I can change". He would, for a few weeks and then we'd be back to square one again. I can't believe I was persuaded so often, but there you are.

Pardonyou · 01/09/2022 00:44

JestersTear · 01/09/2022 00:35

Have you told him what's making you feel miserable and is it something that you feel can be fixed?

I was with a guy for 3 years, and every six months I would get so fed up that I'd try and end the relationship. He would always beg for, and get given, a 2nd chance "I can change". He would, for a few weeks and then we'd be back to square one again. I can't believe I was persuaded so often, but there you are.

I guess I'm so frustrated I end up giving a huge list. It must be a bit overwhelming. The thing is I think the issues are about who we are fundamentally as people. Like we have totally different ways of being. I get stuff done now. He would do stuff at the last possible second. I give 100% and he'll give only as much as necessary and not 1% more.. We used to balance each other but now it just causes resentment.

OP posts:
JestersTear · 02/09/2022 00:17

Yeah, not sure that sounds fixable.
Do you want to give it another go? Or are you done?

blockpavingismynightmare · 02/09/2022 00:18

Are you controlling OP?

SarahSissions · 02/09/2022 03:59

I’d be a bit concerned that he has known you are unhappy for years and has only been pushed to address it when you have said you want to end it. We should want to make our partners happy, I don’t like that he was ok with you being unhappy up until now.

KangarooKenny · 02/09/2022 07:50

Resentment. The relationship killer.
Ask him to move out, to give you time to think.

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