Separated husband back in contact with OW

[WhatsitWiggle]

I know I have no right to be angry over this, but it still smarts and I need to vent.

12 years ago DH had an emotional affair with a woman he knew through his hobby (not cycling!). I found out, he was contrite, thought that was the end of it.

2 years later I discover it has not ended and in fact ramped up to him telling her our marriage is all but over, he loves her but can't bear to leave our daughter. I confront him, he's sorry, promises it will end. I tell him to have no contact with this woman or he's out on his arse. He leaves the hobby and unfriends her on facebook.

Our marriage improves temporarily but does not recover and earlier this year I told him I wanted to separate, he moved out in May.

A couple of weeks ago, curiosity got the better of me and I checked her friend list. He wasn't on it.

Today the wonderful facebook algorithm has suggested her as a friend for me because we have a mutual friend - my husband.

I know he's free to get friendly with whoever he likes, and he clearly checked out of the marriage long before I did, but it still stings. I'm under no illusion that he'll try to rekindle the romance with her.

It will hurt you as it's still fresh but a leopard never changes it's spots.

So what he done to you he'll also do to her.

If she is smart she will friendzone him

Of course you're hurt. Ex did the same. All I can say, is let yourself feel the emotions. Eventually over time you won't care.
He's her problem now. You're free!

That's a hard emotion to sit with but totally relatable. He's taken away what might have been a lovely future, that takes some time to accommodate.

He said he loves her and only stayed in the family home for his DC?

It's sh** but it happens.

You should brace yourself for the potential they'll marry. Something gone on this long has substance.

Come on - it was never an emotional affair and it never ended. If a man's talking to another woman two years later why would you ever believe it'd stop?

Just be grateful you haven't wasted another 10 years on a man who never deserved you.

Why? He told her their marriage was all but over & now it is over.

@WhatsitWiggle I'm not surprised it hurt then & now bloody Facebook rubbing your nose in it. However, is it not marginally better that it actually meant something & your marriage wasn't thrown away due to a meaningless ONS?

try to resist looking at either of their profiles, it'll do you no good.

Yep it hurts. Not only that he’s back with her but that you find out about his life third hand, when once you had a life together.
I coped with a similar situation by initially slagging them both off to anyone that would listen. That help me express my anger and sadness at the situation.
Then I was quietly miserable for few months. Lost loads of weight, life became a bit vague.
Then I went through a “ if you love someone, set them free” period and reminded myself of our good times and that I did love him and want him to be happy.
This cycle continued for a year or two until my own new life became more important than my old one.
Time really. Just suck it up until one day it hurts less.

Thank you, nice to hear that these emotions are ok to have. I'm not wishing him back, I feel like a weight was lifted once he'd moved out. It doesn't really hurt, like a deep hurt, just smarts.

@girlmom21 I know, I was an idiot and should have stood up for myself at the time. But it had been a difficult couple of years - babyloss, redundancy, depression - and my finances and confidence were non-existent.

Gives me the momentum to get going with sorting out the house and divorce though - we still need to communicate because of DD but the sooner that's the only thing, the better.

Yes that would really hurt but shows you did the right thing by ending the marriage in May. I’m sure it won’t last!

To be honest, I think in your shoes I'd feel vindicated. It demonstrates beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's a tosser and you were absolutely right to end the marriage. There should be no anxieties or second thoughts now.