I messed up!!

[Sadgirl124]

So I messed up so much!
i spoke to my ex boyfriend
I know I shouldn’t of but he messaged and and It was nice to catch up, messages was little on the flirty side but I would never ever physically cheat on my boyfriend not that it makes it any better what I have done! I think I just liked the attention for a moment
I’ve recently had a baby and my partner works away from home 90 percent of the time
I love him so much but recently I just feel we have drifted apart from each other
he is progressing in his career and I’m home with the baby all the time! I feel so ugly since having my baby even though everyone ensures me I’m not
i just got carried away with not being someone’s mum for a minute
I feel physically sick at what I have done
i really just want someone to talk to but I can’t tell any of my friends or family because it’s too disgusting to say
my Exs girlfriend seen we had messaged but he deleted them before she seen them all
she has messaged my boyfriend and told him
but I have tried to make it sound not as bad as it was
which probably makes me an even worse person
I just don’t know what to do
I feel like I’ve ruined my family for a couple of stupid messages
I feel so so bad he’s an amazing person and I don’t know why I would ever do something as stupid
i don’t even like the boy
can someone please give me some advice on how not to feel so bad or disgusting
I’m 22 and I just feel so overwhelmed with being a mum even though I love my baby to absolute pieces I just feel I’m a bit of mess since I had him earlier in the year
my family is all about tough love but I really just feel I need a cuddle but can’t expect any one to understand or feel sorry me
any wise words would be so appreciated

Oh dear. Is your boyfriend prepared to forgive you?

You got caught. Own it, what you're feeling is guilt and rightfully so but you're young and it's a stupid mistake. Block and delete the ex and try and move on.

Also, get back to work when the time comes, don't have your career and future hampered because of childcare. Your baby has two parents.

I have no wise words, tbh, it is probably better you were found out early before it progressed because you are obviously horrified by what you have done,
I imagine you may get flamed by some, not by me. It sounds like you are struggling.
It may well take time for your chap to trust you again. Hopefully damage limitation will work, but be honest and don't try and make excuses. You were wrong.
I would not try and make contact with ex again, not even to explain etc.
Look at what caused this? How can you start feeling better about yourself? Can your partner be present more? Can someone help a bit with the baby?
You and he need to have frequent conversations and be discussing how things can continue to run smoothly and agree a vision of how the following weeks and months will go. You need to revisit this and check in with each other. Talk fgs!

Hopefully your boyfriend will forgive you. Hopefully you can put this behaviour behind you and just focus on your family - it must be very overwhelming at 22 having a baby. Do you have any family who can give you some support?

Thankyou everyone!
i Think I just needed to unload to someone just anyone
I’ve Just been so bloody stupid
I just have to own what I have done to be honest
I am 100 percent struggling not that it’s an excuse but it’s hard going
he works 3 weeks on with about 6 days off and then 3 weeks on again
my mum works full time and is amazing but can only help me so much
and he has no relationship with his mum
which also put stress and resentment on our relationship
I guess this is why they tell children not to have baby’s
I came from a broken family and it’s just not what I want for my baby

I am also away back to work but with lack of baby sitters it’s quite a stressfull situation
i just feel we chose to have a baby and I’m doing 99 percent of it on my own
I don’t get much sympathy from my mum as she was a single parent and anytime I say something she always had it harder
I don’t know I just have to hope we can get passed what I have done

Coming from the other side you need to be honest. You need to own your mistake.
Apologise, tell the truth, and then it has to be in his hands.
It wouldn't be fair for him to base a choice on his life without knowing the full truth.
My husband was unfaithful, but he never owned up to it, he was never honest about what happened.
I spent the last 7 years not knowing and now, even though we didn't split at the time, we are in a worse place than we were then.

You didn't cheat you caught up with an ex. It's not that deep. Unless of course you were saying overly sexual stuff. Like sexting or whatever. In which case that's wrong but if it was just a catch up no big deal. What constitutes flirty? Pls elaborate

If you’re really feeling that guilty over a few texts I’m assuming it was a bit more than flirty texts? Was it sexual? Were you talking really negative about your boyfriend.
regardless, apologise and go from there, most of all learn from it. A word of advice from myself, don’t be too harsh on yourself with everything! I had my baby at 22 and it’s hard and lonely when there’s no support, you are not a child but you are still learning how to navigate adulthood and motherhood. Do not give up on your career either, you need something for you and you need your own security.

Ok I’m actually confused. You’ve only spoken to him. I assume on phone and exchanged a couple of minorly flirty messages`? I don’t think it’s that bad.