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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to manage this mistake? Can’t change it now

4 replies

Bettyis · 30/08/2022 11:53

When I had a VERY vulnerable time, I moved to the same area as my parents, five mins down the road. I was at rock bottom and they offered significant money to help with the move. The house is nice, much better than my old one. It’s not a bad area and has plus points like good walks etc.

however, whilst my parents are financially supportive, any other form of support is lacking. My mum has said terrible things to me when I’ve not been coping. When I was suicidal one time they left to drive to the Lake District instead of coming to me when I begged for them to be there and instead they called a hospital and asked them to section me. This is just one example.

they say the most awful things if I need emotional support and as I’ve become stronger again I wish so much I hadn’t moved here. Obviously I don’t need to spend time with them and I do limit it but sometimes I feel uneasy that they are so physically close to my life. I haven’t been here long, four months. Will this get better? Can I feel like I am me again without their shadow?

they are not all bad at all but I remember when I left the area in my twenties I blossomed by being away from them. Obviously then I had been living in their house so a bit different. I just feel frustrated i made this move and whilst I am in a nice house I feel weird about my own autonomy. Maybe it’s psychological?

OP posts:
MMadness · 30/08/2022 12:47

Book in for some mental health care, your parents aren't capable of supporting you emotionally.

Get yourself balanced and happy, create a fulfilling life based on things you enjoy. If they aren't available emotionally then it's not going to change.

Maybe counselling will help you understand why and assist you to find better coping strategies.

Parents can be disappointing and it's difficult to understand or accept right? But ultimately it's their loss.

No amount of wanting them to fit your expectations can make it happen. You don't need their approval or disapproval.

Just find out what makes you happy and do that.

billy1966 · 30/08/2022 12:51

Great advice from above.

Get stronger without their help.

Step back while you do.

Then look at if moving a distance away would be the right decision for you.

Good luck.

baileys6904 · 30/08/2022 17:59

Maybe Tey don't feel like they are equipped to give you the mental health support you need, but do what they can in other ways? I can imagine what it must be like to have a child that's suicidal ( and please don't take that as belittling the struggles you are having yourself) but it must be scary, especially if they are of the older generation that isn't as In touch.
My dad's rubbish at emotional stuff. He's never helped with house moves, has made selfish decisions and has been an absolute nightmare as a parent. Does he still love me? He absolutely worships me, but just doesn't know how to demonstrate that.

Concentrate on getting well and perhaps the relationship will develop organically

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 30/08/2022 18:02

Would having a pet be a good benefit to you op?

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