Anyone else feel this way about extended family?

[MarchMolasses]

Anyone else feel this way about extended family?

I am in my early 50's. Up until now I have been a people pleaser, although not as much as some other women I know. I have put up with my DH's family, both his immediate family, and extended in this country and another country. They have been catty, bitchy, imposed on us, expected us to do things for them etc. etc. All the time I have bitten my tongue to keep the peace.

On my side, I am very close to my parents and one of my siblings, but the other sibling married someone quite posh and they don't really like hanging out with the rest of his working class lot, so we rarely see him. I thought I was close to my nephews and nieces, who are older. I have never missed a birthday or Christmas of theirs, or their DC, and last year we went to one of their weddings, and we were the only family not asked to be in the massive photo. Even partners recently met on OLD were in on the photos! I was really upset.

So, at 50 and a bit, I now can just no longer be arsed. I can't see why, just because you share my DNA, or because you are related to my DH, I should be obliged to act like extended family are very important in our lives. So, no I don't want to go to anymore weddings of people I hardly see and they add no value to my life. No, I don't want to invite SIL and her family over on Boxing Day, when we don't speak to each other for the other 364 days of the year.

I just feel that even though I am in my 50's I feel like a child who doesn't have any autonomy over where I go, or who I play with because my own parents and my MIL dictate to me/ emotionally blackmail me to play happy families.

Anyone else feel like this?

Sounds like you are ready to take control. Do so!

You go, OP! Just because you’re related or an in law doesn’t mean you have to spend time with these people.

There is very good book - the life changing magic of not giving a fck. It's very sweary but basically the number of fcks you have to give is limited so don't waste them!

I don’t feel the same but you obviously do, so yes what’s the point of seeing them for the sake of it.

If they don’t make you happy or add anything positive to your life then I completely understand.

you can decide who you’re friends with, you get lumped with families and then it gets more complicated when family members get married. Life’s too short to spend time with people who you don’t enjoy being with.

Thx

It's not like I am being rude and nasty. It's not like I think they are boring, or my time is precious. I just dread spending time with a lot of them, or I just don't think they give a toss about any of us e.g. nephews wedding.

An example is my DH's extended family. We went to an overseas wedding and all his extended family were there. I have never met them before, they don't know me or my DC. One of them came up to me and said I had called my DC an offensive name. An uncle said my DC were retarded as one of them was crying as it was really late and he was overstimulated. Think 1am at a wedding and we couldn't go to room as we had been coached to venue. I just think WTF am I here? I really do not want anything to do with them. I am posting as we have. few events coming up where I have to mix with these people and I am sitting here thinking WTF I am 50.

Some of them are rude to you and don't give a toss about you. Why would you want to spend time with them, I agree.
You do what is best for you.

Totally on the same page as you, OP. I'm also sick of being treated with indifference or contempt by my family, including siblings.

It's actually quite liberating to realise you needn't bother in future.

OP, I have some small extended family in another country. A couple of them have been rude to me. Also had the thing about not being in a wedding photo! The rest are ok but make no effort. One tries to keep in contact a bit, but she is a bit “me, me, me”and has no interest in my (difficult) life. Also, age is a factor maybe, it seems a bit late now really (I’m late 50s). I wish them no ill, but the reality is I have little in common with them, and have reduced contact even more recent years (no more Xmas cards). I think it is an age thing partly as you say, you do think more along the lines is this working or doing any good for anyone.