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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Do I call it a day

25 replies

EmmaMarie18 · 29/08/2022 23:12

Where do I start?!?!

I honestly feel like my relationship with my OH is getting worse 😔 and maybe to call it a day would be the best thing

A few weeks ago he went on a night out and didnt come home (did this a few months back too and stayed out for 3 days) he wrekons he was too drunk to get home and stayed in a hostel!!

We haven't long come back from hols..initially he gave the impression he was paying for the holiday as he had sold his old house and was going to treat us to a nice holiday. Then he demanded half the money so I had to use money I had put aside for school uniforms and our sons birthday. He was a right grump some days too while we were away..would HAVE TO have his daily afternoon nap..snappy with me and the kids and during an argument told me he hated me. Even his son commented that he thought the way he spoke to me was awful!

Sadly I then lost my Aunty yesterday morning who I was very close with. Emotions are naturally all over the place so we ended up arguing last night. I tried speaking to him today and said I didnt want any arguing or bad feeling for him to shout at me "tough tough" leaving me in tears and having to drive an hour to my Mams to help her sort some of my Aunty's things. He did a similar thing when I sadly lost my dad, told me he'd support me up until the funeral then he was going to leave me. He then apologised to me in my Dad's wake 🤯

I'm starting to think do I just cut my losses and put the house on the market?! He's made me feel like I'm the one who's always in the wrong and everythings my fault 😔 he's turned me into someone that aint me just feel so down and worthless.

Sorry for the long rant just didnt know where else to turn

OP posts:

GreenManalishi · 29/08/2022 23:21

Cut your losses, sounds like you'd genuinely be much happier without this shit.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 29/08/2022 23:35

How can you stand living like this? You would be much happier without him.

bringbackveronicamars · 29/08/2022 23:49

Please leave.

He made you pay for half a holiday for you and his child when he had promised to pay for it and had the money to do so AND now you don't have money for your children's school uniforms.

Dump him and file for CMS

Original poster

EmmaMarie18 · 29/08/2022 23:59

The laat time he left I mentioned CMS and he said he won't pay me a penny and that he would go for full custody so I would have to pay him...he forgets we had a child protection investigation when I was having our little boy as he wanted me to have a termination at 23+ weeks then wanted me to put the baby up adoption 🤯 I had to hide my pregnancy until 2 months before giving birth he wanted me to tell people I had a cyst

OP posts:

Moon22 · 30/08/2022 00:01

Sorry to read what you're going through. Condolences on the death of your Aunt.
I think you already know your answer and you're seeking reassurance on here. You sound absolutely right to be thinking of calling it a day with him. What does he actually bring to the table? Would need to be alot to be putting up with this sort of rubbish. He sounds incredibly selfish, staying out for days and spoiling everyone elses holiday.

Original poster

EmmaMarie18 · 30/08/2022 00:11

I gain nothing positive from being with him!

Its little things like cleaning he dont lift a finger, never done or contributed to a food shop and i'm always the one who sorts christmas including sorting christmas for his child from a previous relationship...never contributes to packed lunch, uniforms, nursery fees nothing

OP posts:

bringbackveronicamars · 30/08/2022 00:38

He won't get custody.

Get legal advice. Call women's aid. Get help to leave.

Original poster

EmmaMarie18 · 30/08/2022 00:49

I told him he got more chance of seeing the queen's T's than getting custody but thats how deluded he is!

I sometimes think is it enough to be contacting womens aid he makes me doubt everything

OP posts:

PyjamaDuddlejuck · 30/08/2022 02:04

Yep, get out before this excuse for a man has the opportunity to get any worse.

Original poster

EmmaMarie18 · 30/08/2022 02:08

I just know in my gut he's guna get worse it's escalated loads since march 😔

OP posts:

FlowerArranger · 30/08/2022 02:13

If I understand correctly, you are not married?
Who owns the house?
Do you work - are you financially independent?

Italiangreyhound · 30/08/2022 02:14

He sounds awful. Get help to get free.

Original poster

EmmaMarie18 · 30/08/2022 02:34

@FlowerArranger we're not married but the house is joint mortgage

The last time he left I had legal advice and was told i could stay here til my boy was 18 and he'd have to pay half the mortgage and child maintenance i just dont know what to do he plays the victim and I know he's only here out of convenience cos his other son lives literally not even a minute away

OP posts:

FlowerArranger · 30/08/2022 02:44

I would double check the advice you've had with an experienced family solicitor as this sounds wildly optimistic to me.

Original poster

EmmaMarie18 · 30/08/2022 02:48

I dont think I'd stay here anyway..I'm thinking sell the house and go!

OP posts:

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 30/08/2022 03:06

These are not little things. He is a cocklodging emotional abuser. Please leave and look into the freedom program.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 30/08/2022 03:08

EmmaMarie18 · 30/08/2022 02:34

@FlowerArranger we're not married but the house is joint mortgage

Hmmm. People who are married very rarely get this and you say partner so
you’re not married?

Original poster

EmmaMarie18 · 30/08/2022 09:43

No we're not married (luckily) I just think I need to just get the house up for sale and go back home
It's awful tho..waking up straight away with pains in my chest and my anxiety through the roof 😔

OP posts:

billy1966 · 30/08/2022 10:30

OP,

You have failed your child staying with such an awful man.

You are failing your child every single day you remain with a man who wanted him aborted.

Start thinking of that poor child and start making better choices for you both.

You both deserve so much better.

Original poster

EmmaMarie18 · 30/08/2022 11:05

I know he loves our little boy (even though he treats his oldest differently and noticeably better)

I dont think I'll ever forgive him for how he treated me while I was pregnant 😔

I have a Daughter from a previous and I know she's picking up on things..she'd left me a note the other morning telling me how much she loves me and for me not to give up 🥹

OP posts:

Original poster

EmmaMarie18 · 03/09/2022 22:40

I'm torn with what to do now.....

He's still being an absolute tool hasn't said a word to me for a whole week (apart from when he called me a joke and pathetic last monday) we're living totally separate he's in the attic and im downstairs. The kids can see what's going on too 😔

We haven't had a date for my auntys funeral yet and despite what I'm going through he's still being vile.

In my head I'm thinking wait til we've had the funeral then tell his sorry ass to leave on the other hand I dont think I can stick him being here I can't even look at him 😡 do I just tell him to go now? He's back in work monday and ive thought of leaving his case outside for when he gets home maybe he'll take the hint 🤷🏼‍♀️

I just can't go on like I am 😔 somethings gotta give x

OP posts:

GreenManalishi · 03/09/2022 22:45

I think you've hit the nail on the head, the kids can see what's going on. They have been, amdeill continue to do so. If you think you're keeping any of this from them, you're not.

Put your DC first, and do what you need to do.

GreenManalishi · 03/09/2022 22:45

*and will

Original poster

EmmaMarie18 · 03/09/2022 22:49

I found a letter in her bedroom and she's called him miserable and toxic in it 😔 she's such a switched on little girl and she's right! He just thinks I'm going to put up with this behaviour 🤯

OP posts:

Original poster

EmmaMarie18 · 07/09/2022 23:35

Day 10 and he STILL hasn't said a word 😳 I told him that I'm not living like we are and he has to go!!! Had the usual name calling and I couldnt help myself and told him a few home truths! I told him hes a narcissit and always plays the victim and that hes having a huge shity impact on not just me but the kids! I dont think he expected me to stand up for myself as I've never done it before! I know he won't listen or care what I said

He still has to have control tho..such as nursery fees which I always sort and he contributes sod all. We've had this months bill today and he told me he'd pay towards them if I say please wtaf! I've paid them for the last 9 months not one penny off him

He made threats that he was going to leave tonight once our little boy was in bed and I just replied by saying 'good you need to go and I want you gone' my little boy went to bed and as always he slithered up to the attic to bed without a word! In the past I always begged him to stay but I feel like somethings changed. The last time we had a big row I was upset, couldnt eat or sleep but not this time..I'm hoping that's a good sign

I know I can't kick him out because it's his house too just know it's guna be a nightmare living under the same roof until the house is sold😔

I know I'll probably have to deal with his toxic mother too tomorrow as she normally turns up on a thursday as his eldest is here (dont hear from her or see her any other time not even messages about our little boy) and she's the rudest person on the planet 😳 wish me luck!

I don't even look at him and feel any sadness or upset..nothing!

OP posts:

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