Rule number one. There is no time limit on healing. Don't let people say to you. Oh it's been six months now. Forget him.
I had a full on abusive relationship without the violence. He was mean in everyday. Lying. Texting his ex. Putting me down. Name calling. Gaslighting. Borrowing my money. Future faking. Silent treatments. Cheating in the messaging stage he was meeting up with a woman on a dating app whilst saying he loved me. He was blowing hot and cold constantly. Always had woman drama and always changing stories. He had 3 different versions of how his last relationship ended. He would say in the middle of arguments, I never argued with my exes like I do you. Considering I'm not a shouting person and very peaceful it blew my mind. Plus he cheated on his ex and they had a relationship full of mistrust.
I went to therapy and they explaining ruminating. She said imagine inside your brain all these little boxes are popping up to the surface now and they are full of everything you ignored. She said it's healthy and normal to ruminate. It's part of healing as long as it doesn't go on forever..
What I've learned is its like a pile of socks. Some socks you can pair up and put away (make sense of that situation) but there's all these odd socks left that can't be sorted. These are just useless now. You won't ever find the other half to make a whole thing that is useful. These are the things you are stuck on. You keep searching for the missing sock and eventually you throw them away as there's nothing more you can do..
Anger is inverted sadness. You are sad. I opened up an email account purely for this. I write my thoughts and feelings down whenever I want. I began in the relationship and it became a way for me to look back and see how terrible he was. It helps. It really does and you can say exactly what is bothering you still.
Is it that you feel he got to move on and get away with it?
Do you feel hes happy now and your stuck?
Is it because you question what you ever must have meant?
Do you feel your whole relationship was a lie?
Write down questions to yourself and answer them truthfully. Again do this in your email draft.
Ask yourself
Do I love him still?
What was good about us?
What was bad about us?
Whats making me angry?
What don't I miss?
Do I still miss certain things?
You can't heal in the environment that made you sick. Are you looking at his social media or anything? Are you distancing yourself as much as possible.
Depending on the type of relationship it was I highly recommend listening to YouTube life coaches and Dr's. If you feel he was narcisstic I highly recommend. Jess Stanley. Narc con.narc survivor etc. If he wasn't there's plenty of love coaches that can help you understand your thoughts process.
You won't feel better until you've found your way of healing. But it has no time frame so don't feel there's anything wrong with you.