Is he just lazy in relationships?

[mommathatwearspink]

Ive been with DH for 15 years. He’s a great man, fantastic hands on father and works hard to provide for us.
He tells me everyday that he loves me and is complimentary about me to friends and others.
However, he just seems so lazy when it comes to making an effort… or am I overthinking and expecting a fairytale which in reality isn’t realistic? He has never done these things so it’s not a sudden change but I’m starting to wonder if I’ve been cheated out of something more.
He was never bothered about marriage or big weddings. We didn’t get engaged so to speak and we married in a very small intimate ceremony. No celebration with friends afterwards, no problem photographer, etc).
He never makes effort to arrange date nights or special time for us together. If his friends suggest something, he will arrange it but not off his own back. He will happily suggest a film night at home though.
He seldom compliments me and if I ask how I look, he says that im fishing for comments which he hates.
He makes very little effort to arrange gifts for my birthday or Christmas and I usually buy my own. I’ve organised many surprises and nights away for us but again, he has never done the same.
Our sex life isnt particularly exciting and is getting more basic as the years pass. He is happy to receive but doesn’t give without suggesting time and time again. Other than that, it’s over and done with very quickly for his gain.
Ive tried to bring it up a couple of times over our relationship but he gets defensive and doesn’t take my feelings into account.

What are his good points ?

There are lots. As I said, he’s generally a great guy and makes me laugh everyday. He’s a hands on father and our children adore him. He works hard for our family.

He's not listening to you though is he and that's really important

or am I overthinking and expecting a fairytale which in reality isn’t realistic?

That's exactly what you're doing. If he's a good man who treats you well, works hard, and is a good father, then you are being a bit princessy. It's nice that you organise surprises etc, but some people just don't do that (and you've already said that he has always been like this).

I couldn't bear to feel that I was expected to act or respond in a particular way, and I'd recoil if my DP were "fishing for compliments". I just don't do that kind of thing (though neither does he).

If your DH had suddenly changed, I'd wonder what was going on. But given that he's always been like this, I don't really think you can start criticising him for it 15 years later.

No OP I don’t think you’re over thinking. There is nothing wrong with feeling like there’s “a little bit missing”. It doesn’t mean you should throw the towel in, you’re not denying that he’s a good husband but neither should you have to shut up and put up and be grateful he’s not worse. You need a good heart to heart with him about how you feel you need a bit more romance but doing it in a way that doesn’t make him feel criticised, make sure he knows how Amaizing he is in all other areas.

He is happy to receive but doesn’t give without suggesting time and time again.

I'm not quite sure i quite understand this? Who initiates any 'encounter' does he, then has to be reminded to ensure you are satisfied, too? Or do you initiate and expect him to reciprocate ?

How does he react when you say 'hey, my turn first?' Or even, when you say you would like to orgasm when he is not in the mood ?

Maybe I'm just not so 'romantic' I'm pretty comfortable asking for what I want and just can't be doing with not asking and waiting for someone to guess what I want. I like to set my own terms.