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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex partners children

24 replies

Kf5453 · 28/08/2022 23:16

Hi everyone
I'm really just looking for a bit of advice and to see how you would feel in this situation.

Me and my partner have broken up and I am 35 weeks pregnant. The reason we broke up was because his two children were sexually abusive towards my children.
His two sons, 10 and 7 tried to force my 7 year old daughter to show them how to use a tampon on herself. They were staying at my house and were sleeping downstairs in the living room as I had a double pullout sofa bed. I told them in the morning not to go in my daughters room as she shares a room with her older sister who is 16. My daughter had left early that morning leaving my 7 year old asleep. Everybody was asleep in bed and they sneaked in to her room. They were asking her very inappropriate questions which she didn't understand. They then started screaming at her, demanding her to do it. This is what woke me so I went into her room and found her crying and cowering in the corner of her bed. She was traumatised. I also found out that the 10 year old had made both of my twin boys teabag each other, thankfully they had clothes on. This all happened in one weekend. My boys didn't tell me straight away. They didn't really understand what it was that he made them do. My ex did nothing about it.

He is asking if he could be at the birth, which I don't feel comfortable with because of the way he is with me. He's very controlling and narsasicistic. He also asked if he could take the baby home with him on some weekends, but I can't trust it incase his children are there.

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 28/08/2022 23:28

Have you reported this to social services? as everything indicates those children have been abused. Meanwhile you do not put your ex on the birth cert and, if at all possible, move to some part of the country or world where he can't find you

Pinkyxx · 28/08/2022 23:31

I’m so sorry for you and your poor children. Im hard to read your post so I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. Your children have been sexually assaulted and violated. Taking steps now to protect them & help them process what has happened must be the priority. In your shoes I’d call the NSPCC for advice on all counts including your ex’s apparent lack of concern.

As for your ex attending the birth, I wouldn’t even consider that. Nor would I let him anywhere near a baby when he’s demonstrated he’s incapable of safeguarding a child.

PersonaNonGarter · 28/08/2022 23:32

Horrific. Obviously, do not go through this alone. Tell social services asap. Poor you. Do not have this man anywhere near you or your children.

And definitely do not put h on the birth certificate.

Pinkyxx · 28/08/2022 23:33

Please understand that the type of behaviour your ex’s children are exhibiting screams that they have themselves been sexually abused. That your ex did nothing is a massive red flag.

please call the nspcc they can help you report this.

TheSandgroper · 28/08/2022 23:34

As above, report to social services and the police. Tell your gp, your midwife and your health visitor. They do not come to the hospital. He does not attend the birth. Something has gone very wrong in the lives of those kids.

Right now,, the children and their father must leave. Immediately. Get them out of the door and they never come back.

I’m so sorry to be so blunt. But you are the only person who can provide safety for your own children.

Original poster
Kf5453 · 28/08/2022 23:34

My ex is currently in court with his ex over his children and cafcas are involved to give a report to the court. It has been brought up to them, which gets told to social services, or so I have been told.

OP posts:
Mariokartedoff · 28/08/2022 23:37

I wouldn't be relying on the family court and it's circus for anything.

Report to the police. Report to Social Services and never let this man have access to your child unsupervised.

GrazingSheep · 28/08/2022 23:38

Have you called the police ?

GrazingSheep · 28/08/2022 23:40

How old are your twins?

Original poster
Kf5453 · 28/08/2022 23:41

I Don't want him anywhere near my baby. I don't want his name on the birth certificate. I don't want his children near my children. I will ring social services to see if cafcas had told them this information. He lives an hour and half away from me so hopefully that stops him.

OP posts:
britneyisfree · 28/08/2022 23:42

Omg call the police and get this logged. Don't put him on the bc and I'd say disengage completely with him until you've had the baby and can think of your next steps.

I'm so so sorry this happened to your children.

Original poster
Kf5453 · 28/08/2022 23:44

Do you think the police could do anything with them only being 10 and 7?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 28/08/2022 23:44

Call the police.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/08/2022 23:44

10 is the age of criminal responsibility.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/08/2022 23:44

10

And they’re victims of abuse too.

GrazingSheep · 28/08/2022 23:45

The police will hopefully investigate if they are being sexually abused themselves

Original poster
Kf5453 · 28/08/2022 23:50

I will call the police straight away in the morning.

OP posts:
smine1 · 28/08/2022 23:55

I'm so sorry you and your children have gone through this and well done for getting out of the relationship, well done for reporting it tomorrow, you need to do this to safeguard the baby for the future, good luck

mindutopia · 28/08/2022 23:55

Absolutely ring the police. I used to be a social worker and this is exactly the sort of thing that I would have reported myself. It’s really worrying and inappropriate behaviour from these children that indicates they are potentially being abused. It also flags up your partner as not able to keep them safe and potentially not able to keep your baby safe. Could he be the one abusing them? My stepdad sexually abused his daughter and literally no one ever would have guessed. He seemed like such a ‘nice bloke’ to most people. If you already know your ex is abusive in other ways…

Nat6999 · 28/08/2022 23:56

Report it & get support for your poor dd. There is no way I would allow this man anywhere near your baby. Don't have his name on the BC either.

Danielle9891 · 28/08/2022 23:57

I'd personally go to the police station and ask to speak to someone tomorrow about it and get a restraining order on your ex.
Also are you 100% sure nothing else has happened to you children?Maybe sit them down separately and try and ask them. If your pregnant than I'm assuming it's not the 1st time your children have met your ex partners children.
One of them is 10 and should know what they are doing and has learnt this from somewhere.

Grumpypants78 · 29/08/2022 00:28

children?Maybe sit them down separately and try and ask them

Don't do this, don't speak to your children about it at all, the police will have trained interviewers and you don't want to skew the kids answers.

Geppili · 29/08/2022 03:40

I think you should put a trigger warning on your thread. Flowers

MintJulia · 29/08/2022 03:52

Police, definitely. You need to bring every pressure to bear to protect your children.

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