She's struggling, we all are

[BrokenRainbow22]

I will give a quick summary to the people who haven't read my previous posts. My partner of 11 years walked out on me and our kids 8 days ago. He was controlling and a narcissist however that doesn't mean this is any easier.

Our DD is 7, today she hasn't been herself at all. She's been really quiet and withdrawn, I went to the local pub for dinner with my friend and sister and their DC, I thought she would enjoy this but she sat at the table colouring not speaking and just really withdrawn. This is completely out of the ordinary as usually she is happy and full of energy. We got home and I put her in the bath and she just burst in to tears and asked when her daddy is coming home because she misses him so much and really just wants to see him because she's worried about him.
I started to cry because I am also confused as to why he left without so much as a conversation or a fight for our family. I know you will probably all judge me for this but I can't help the way I feel, I miss him like crazy. He's our comfort blanket we feel safe when he's here 😥

We had a movie in bed with chocolate and lots of cuddles but I know not seeing her dad is really upsetting her, my DS age 5 isn't showing much emotion about it at the moment.

Bump

I’m sorry you’re going through this. No judgement from me about crying in front of her, we always seem to have to be strong in front of our children but you’re hurting as much as her and it must be so horrible to see how this is affecting her.

A movie night in bed together sounds perfect. She knows you are there for her and always will be. Could you take your children out for the day to try have some fun together?

Have you spoken to your partner since he left? Has he asked about the children at all?
I haven’t read your posts op but I hope you have a good support network irl

@Hiddenvoice yes I can take them somewhere fun, I may ask them where they would like to go tomorrow and just let them enjoy themselves.

He has sent one letter in the 8 days it was about 5 lines long I posted it in a previous thread. Just saying he is always watching over them and to enjoy themselves, no other contact at all. I have just got back in contact with family and friends after not seeing them for a long time but they just can't understand, for them its 'just forget him' I have such an emotional connection to him I can't simply forget him and nor can our kids.

It’s always easy for others to say forget him and move on but when it’s your reality it’s not that easy. It will take time, some days will be tough and others will be better.
His letter sounds very odd, do you think he wants to keep in contact with his children?

I honestly think you are much better off without him but I know that will be hard for you to see right now. Focus on yourself and your children just now. Spend the rest of the summer just enjoying days out and cosy days in.

You need to keep yourself occupied just now as I worry the more down time you have the more upset you’ll become. It’s great you met with a friend for a meal, is this something you can do regularly- either meet up with friends or have them over for a little while. Try reading a book or listen to an audio book. Take up a relaxing hobby. i know this all sounds counterproductive but you need to try out your energy into something else. It’s definitely okay to cry, to be upset that this is happening to you and your children. You are mourning the life you thought you would have but soon you’ll see that you and your children are everything you actually need and that you’re so much stronger than you realise!

@Hiddenvoice I posted for advice about the note because my mind went into over drive and I thought it was pointing towards suicide. It read Child1&Child 2
Its daddy, hope you're being good daddy loves you and misses you very much. Enjoy yourself and have fun daddy's always watching over you sleep well love daddy xx

It was lovely seeing my friend and her 3 DC, she's had a baby who's 3 months old so its been lovely actually interacting with another human being and having an adult conversation.

I do understand what you're saying with a hobby because at the moment my sleep is out of sort, my mind is constantly thinking about what I should have or could have said/done differently. I think I need some kind of therapy and I think my daughter may need some as well if he doesn't get his head out of his arse and stop being so selfish

You do both/all need therapy. Dealing with this kind of narcissistic behaviour is really damaging. I had grandparents like it and I was constantly confused, wondering what I could do right. But there wasn't/isnt anything. They use their nearest and (if it's even possible) dearest to test their own self worth. If they can cause people hurt then that must mean they are important. The bigger the reaction, the more they must be worth. That's all we meant to these people.

I can finally see it, and can (mostly) not care. But I managed to not be their reflective pool and am far happier for it. Please try to be your kids rock, love them because they are worth it and let them know that. Remind them and yourself of your individual worth and try to teach them, and believe yourself, that there was nothing you could have done to stop him leaving. It's always been about him.

Also try to realise that you're better off without someone who'd willingly cause you and your children immense pain to feed their own ego.

But definitely therapy. I'm so sorry you are all in pain. You don't deserve this. I wish you all the best. You are all better off without him, it's just going to take time and work to feel it.