DS planning to break up with GF

[supersop60]

I am feeling very sad at the moment. My DS 18, has been with his GF for two years, and the other night he and I had a long talk (3am) about his plan to break up with her. He's feeling overwhelmed because of her anxiety and constant need for reassurance, plus the fact that she has their lives all planned out. He just wants out, and to spend time with his mates.
I completely understand where he's coming from - they were only 16 when they got together and it became serious and intense too soon imho.
However - she is a lovely girl - bright, talented and funny, and very good company, and very quickly became part of the family.
This is going to come out of the blue and she's going to be devastated.
I'm sad for me because I shall miss her, and I'm sad for her because she'll be hurting.
I've not said this to DS, except to ask him to be kind. They are both on holiday with different people, and are going to meet up tomorrow.
Any advice?

Advice to him: be gentle but honest with her. If he's no longer happy he's made the right decision and it sounds like he's being mature about it, he should be proud of himself

Advice to her: allow it to hurt but remember, this too shall pass

Advice to you: let him handle it. He sounds more than capable. I get you're dad because she won't be around but she clearly isn't good for him anymore. Be proud of your son for the way he's handling it.

Good luck to him

Sad*

You’re obviously a great mum and have raised a sensitive compassionate son 💐

It will pass x

No advice but also wanted to say what a lovely relationship it sounds like you have with your son. I hope my sons come to me about things like this when they are older and starting relationships. You have done a really great job 👏🏼

If she is not the right girl for him, he is doing the best and kindest thing to break it off now. Some lads would keep her hanging on until they found a replacement. Or treat her badly until she dumped him.

Its never going to be any easier for her than tomorrow. And maybe it will encourage her to seek professional help for her issues, instead of expecting him to fix it.

Your son deserves a chance just to be a normal teen and not a therapist.

No advice but know how you feel. Same happened here in April and I still miss her. Have had to have very little contact to be fair to her.

@0live I said that to him - you want to be her boyfriend, not her therapist. And now it's worn him down.
I'm so glad he felt he could talk to me.

Make sure he is honest, don't leave her with any hope. I know that sounds brutal but she will overanalyse everything and will cling to hope if he leaves it ambiguous. He needs to be clear that he doesn't have those feelings for her anymore, it's not "complicated" or "needing space" or "commitment issues" etc.

You sound like a lovely mum x

We went through the same thing here last week. DS was as kind as he could be, knowing that they are moving apart and that he cannot give this the time it needs in the next year. I’ll miss her as she was a nice girl, but very needy and reliant on DS.

I know she cried, he cried on DH and I. We’ve listened, hugged, given him a beer and told him that no he isn’t a shit. I think it’s all you can do.

Buy tissues and beer. Be ready to listen some more. Good luck!

This might sound a bit dramatic but if she threatens to harm herself make sure he knows that it is highly manipulative and would just be a ploy to make him stay with her out of guiltand ultimately that her actions are her responsibility not his.

He's been talking to her for two hours. I'm waiting for a text to go and get him.

Oh gosh op I empathise. It’s so hard.

It definitely sounds like the right decision for him. He’s too young to be carrying the burden of someone else’s mental health. I have all the sympathy in the world for her, I’ve suffered with my mental health all my life, I don’t let it drag my friends and family down though.

This is just a first teenage romance; not a lifetime commitment or a tragic disaster. You are excessively involved and anxious about the effects on the GF , and laying expectations on your son. Its not about you. Back off.

NO WONDER he shies away from the girl because she is so needy, anxious and over involved in his life, mapping it all out for him . Just like his mother.