Worried about how I will afford to leave

[fedup102]

I'm honestly so done, me and DP have a baby (DS8momths) together and he has a DC from previous marriage. Our child together is just completely overlooked, I have to do everything, all of the time for our DS I would be better off on my own, I'd be doing less! Less cooking, worrying about everything etc. DP acts like our DC is a total inconvenience, he never plays with DS, always on his phone when he's supposed to be watching DS, never does any night feeds. It is all me.

It annoys me cause he always wanted another child, I saw how good he was with his first child and I had no worries, he is honestly a great dad to his first child but with ours that has come along it's like I am a single mother and he is just a male friend who visits and sometimes holds the DS and feeds DS. I don't know if DS is too young and he will get more involved or if this is destined just to be shit for the foreseeable future.

I myself earn a pretty crap wage and if I left I would have to put our DS in full time childcare which will be more than I earn, I don't want to give up my career cause there is really good progression but I don't know what I would do. In an ideal world I would move about 5/6 hours away to near the coast and live a quiet life and that's what I want to do but with the cost of living it will be impossible. I am just so miserable and stuck.

I don't want to sound like woe is me just thought it would be good for me to get it off my chest.

I don’t have kids so don’t know much about that whole thing, but wanted to bump your post as it sounds like you need advice… and also see if I am correct in thinking your partner would be required to pay you child support. Can anyone enlighten?

Hi, have you sat down when you’ve got no distractions from baby and spoken to him about how you feel? In a way that doesn’t make him feel he’s being told off? Because people don’t always listen & get defensive if they think they’re being told what to do. But just as an explanation of the situation? He may not be aware of how you feel and how bad things have become? If there’s no concerns about domestic abuse, it may feel safe to explain that it’s difficult to see a future continuing as things are. He may step up & improve if you let him know, or he may get worse, in which case you’ll know there’s no point staying anymore. Have a look at child support and look at other benefits that would be available to you online at gov.uk. Citizens advice bureau can offer advice. Can get hold of them online/by phone. Any family that could help you out to make initial move, or move in with while you save up for plan to move to the coast? Just things to think of. Hope it helps.

If you really can't see a future in it, try putting your income through a benifits calculator like 'turn to us', you will have to put in approximate numbers for childcare and what a rental for you and baby might be etc, but it will give you an idea. If your on a low income you will likely get help at least with childcare costs, and possibly to top up your pay. You would also be entitled to child maintenance, though actually getting the money can be a long road.