Dp's forgetfulness and absent mindedness is starting to drive me mad

[Hypnotiser]

I never thought of myself as organised till I met Dp. We have specific places for specific things - so we have a key rack where the keys go. We have a coat rack where the coats go and a shoe rack where the shoes go. You get my drift.

It's almost as though Dp wilfully chooses to ignore the order of things. He's also ludicrously messy. We have had to move out of the house due to building work and we are in a v small place compared to normal house. I sat down with dp because I said to him if we are going to survive a few months together in a tiny space, he needs to be more respectful of how he spreads his crap absolutely everywhere. He agreed.

Roll forward to today and it's only our 4th day here and he's lost the keys (though he insists it wasn't him) as the keys are not in their normal place and he had them last.

There's a much much longer preamble to this and him being messy/disorganised but today has really felt like the icing on top of the cake. The keys have not only the key for the front door but also the gate to the parking which means we can't move the car unless we collar another resident.

At least this time he hasn't lost the keys having locked the front door with the only lock we never lock and taken the only key with him and then lost it. That cost almost £300 with a locksmith to get back into our house.

I'm just ranting really but it has seriously pissed me off today and he has now buggered off for the night to see his kids leaving me trying to sort out spare keys or being stuck indoors. Infuriating.

I don't know what I'm asking but is anyone's Dp/dh like this? Did they ever get any better?

I’d have my own keys and if he loses his, he organises and pays for new ones. Have nothing to do with helping him if he’s the one who messed up.

There is a diff between disorganised/messy and forgetful.

I am forgetful but never messy and everything has it’s place. I just have soooooo many things to consider at any one time that the location of my keys/phone/handbag just drop off the list of priorities.

Apple air tags have saved my life, i even have one in my purse clipped to a specially made credit card sized piece of plastic so I cannot be the only one with this problem!

Hope you find your keys x

Thanks. I have turned everything upside down and can't find them :(.

@EVHead yes I would normally leave him to sort this but unfortunately we've only been here a few days and only have their one set of keys argh!

You're not compatible.

I was the messy one.

Dh taught me the importance of things being in their place. He always supported me but I hated seeing that I'd added to his stress. So I did learn.

Having said that, systems that allow for flawed human really help. I have a keysafe now which has saved me a few times. When we drove the car any distance, dh would put our precious spare car key on a string round his neck so that we knew we could always move the car.

this doesn’t help right now, but may in the future, as you’ve already sorted the ‘everything has a place to go problem’.

Keys would be have a separate set each, if/when he loses his set - he sorts it not you. Ditto for anything else he misplaces.
A large basket/box in one or more rooms - all his junk left around gets put in it.
Or - and this worked for me, anything he leaves out gets binned (ok - hidden in my car boot), whilst he was annoyed, he soon learnt that respect goes both ways and has stopped thinking of me as his mother.

Are they down a gap in the sofa, or under something in a plastic carrier he hasn't unpacked?

Make him reenact the last time he used them, like Crimewatch. I have to do this a lot.

You just described me! Has he always been like this?

I have ADHD (inattentive). That’s why I’m like that, and I hate myself for it.

I’m not saying your DP has ADHD, but perhaps there is some reason you aren’t considering. Once I knew why I was such a hot mess, I started treatment to target the symptoms. Sounds like he could benefit from getting to the bottom of his messiness and addressing the cause.

Is that my DH? We've been married for 25 years and the amount of replacements we've had to buy is ridiculous. He has ADD.

Yeah I thought ADHD. But people on here hate that shit when it's mentioned.

It would bug me more that he's buggered off leaving you to sort it.

ADHD inattentive, OH, and two DCs. I'm used to it now. We have a front porch which fills with shoes. I've always had a hall table so the keys, post, sunglasses tend to live there. It's not the tidiest but saves many a row. OH has lost an envelope containing money. He swears he put it in the hall drawer and I've nicked it. NOPE MATE you've lost it

@gamerchick yes, I recently saw someone say that she doesn’t believe any woman when they say they have ADHD. I’ve had it since I was 5 – was I supposed to grow out of it!?!?

I am annoyed I am searching for them but I would never want his kids inconvenienced for something as silly as this and he would have been late if he had stayed!

Still haven't found them!

I wouldn't be surprised if he does have something like ADHD - he never takes one job, he always has 3 or 4 on the go. It's like he feeds his disorganisation!

Thank you for all your comments - I feel better knowing I am not alone lol!

My OH is like this. He is like this about every aspect in his life.

Ive also wondered about ADHD, he fits a lot of the descriptors but he is near retirement age and got this far without diagnosis somehow!

He will literally walk around with something his hand and not even know he has it in his hand, I watch him sometimes wondering when the penny will drop and he realises he's in the wrong room with the wrong thing

Same with something as simple as direction, he will NEVER know which direction we came from on a road or in a car park, or whether we have been to the place before.

It is very frustrating but I know he cant help it because its so widespread across all areas of his life. He literally gets lost coming home from work sometimes.