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Original poster

Tell me it's nice living with your partner

51 replies

PermanentTemporary · 27/08/2022 21:11

Having a massive wobble about moving in with DP. It's not awful living with someone, is it? Or not always?

OP posts:
SpinCityBlues · 27/08/2022 21:57

Honestly the formatting on this new platform is dreadful ^^

TheDogsMother · 27/08/2022 21:58

Gonewiththewindbeforelong · 27/08/2022 21:34

Hated living with exP. Love living with DH, and when he was DP. Very much dependant on the person I’d say.

We have found our sweet spot with how to support one another. DH is brilliant at DIY and renovated the house in his spare time to an excellent standard, and working F/T too. Me, not so good at DIY but love cooking and don’t mind cleaning our general housework, and we find the two compliment each other and when necessary, we both lean to help the other.

I wouldn’t pay too much attention to 50:50 everything or who should do what. We found ourselves playing to strengths and asking for a hand when needed. Worked for us.

The best bit about living together is the random Tuesday mornings, for example; companionship, friendship and supporting one another. I think you should always live together to ‘test’ a relationship, too!

Could have written this myself. I've lived with with people and lived on my own (which I am perfectly happy with) but DH makes things even better. Hopefully I do the same for him.

PolkaDotMankini · 27/08/2022 21:59

I've lived with DH for 4 years and love it. I get to cuddle up with him every day. I can fall asleep on his chest and drool on his shoulder Grin He removes spiders, does bits in the house that I CBA to do, the DC love him and he's great company.

ExH on the other hand was a nightmare to live with. He left a trail of mess, believed I should keep house, wait on him hand and foot and ensure the children were ready and cheerful when he was bothered to interact with them.

It totally depends on who you live with.

Monty27 · 27/08/2022 22:04

How much time do you spend together?
Full on is hard work unless you are both used to each other it might be wise to keep your distance a while longer.
I don't think I'll ever do it again full time.

maddy68 · 27/08/2022 22:05

Been with mine 38 yes. I love it. Always someone to confide in , talk to, irritate without fear

Original poster
PermanentTemporary · 27/08/2022 22:06

18 months is so long for me compared to the past. I feel as if I'm being very slow. But the fact that I've been married twice to people I moved in with very quickly and am now not married any more... isn't exactly a recommendation 😀

OP posts:
Justine878 · 27/08/2022 22:07

It sounds like you aren't sure at all OP. I think you need to work out if the doubts are rational or irrational. For every person in a happy co-habiting relationship, there is another who isn't. You don't sound as if you have a good idea of where you will land?

Ilovelurchers · 27/08/2022 22:07

I've lived with 5 different men and they have all had their plus points to live with and their negative points. On the whole I prefer living with somebody, but that's because I am not too keen on too much of my own company - I like physical affection (especially at night); lots of sex; somebody to cook for; somebody to offload on about small annoyances etc etc.

It depends on you really OP. If you are happy on your own why change it?

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 27/08/2022 22:16

tonicwaters · 27/08/2022 21:54

If your gut is giving signals, listen to it.

It is a big step really, so be absolutely sure. I would not buy anywhere together just yet. Can you two afford to rent somewhere for a while and test the waters?

Renting together at first is a good idea.

I have loved living with DH for more than 20 years. We met in our 40s and have never stopped appreciating how good it is to live with someone good-natured and compatible. For that reason we both willingly make compromises. Neither of us is perfect, but we have a lot of tolerance for each other.

Before that I had one very happy LTR, and several other relationships in which I felt trapped by not wanting to hurt the feelings of someone who wanted to own live with me.

I hope things work out well for you and DP, Permanent.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 27/08/2022 22:20

I adore living with my DP and really miss him if he’s away for more than a night or two, but in your situation no I wouldn’t do it. It sounds very soon given you are widowed and still
have children at home

Celerylover · 27/08/2022 22:25

Moved in with a bf of 9 years- hated it

Moved in with bf after - 6 months in and love it.

Depends on the person.

One I Hated : lazy, I did everything, inconsiderate

One I Love: share house hold chores, but also a very different relationship. He's not lazy, he's considerate

tickticksnooze · 27/08/2022 22:51

Have you been on holiday together?

mrsfollowill · 27/08/2022 23:12

I wouldn't jump into buying a place together- go on holiday and have 2 weeks 24/7 together first if you haven't already done so. It's 'safer' to rent first as you can walk away if it doesn't work out. I think it is always wise to try living with someone on a temporary basis before going for it.
That said, DH 'moved in' with me the night we met - well he came home with me and never really went back home to his parents - this was 30yrs ago. It was a flat I rented and we lived there for a 3 years before buying our house together.
During that 3 years we saw each other at our best and at our worst so knew each other inside out before committing.
Generally I love living with him- but he is a considerate, kind, funny guy. I've been lucky I know (as has he getting me!) - I was out with a bunch of girlfriends this afternoon and the twattery some of them have gone through is insane.

zonky · 28/08/2022 00:22

Most people move in with each other as the cost of living is extortionate ...most couldn't have the lifestyles they do so they have to find something positive about living with their partners

Cas112 · 28/08/2022 00:25

I've lived with my partner almost a year and it's the best thing in the world

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 28/08/2022 01:26

zonky · 28/08/2022 00:22

Most people move in with each other as the cost of living is extortionate ...most couldn't have the lifestyles they do so they have to find something positive about living with their partners

Surely this isn't why most cohabiting people moved in together? I don't know anyone who moved for financial reasons; all were for love, or stability, or because they wanted children.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 28/08/2022 01:31

Permanent, I've just remembered a couple I used to know, who lived very happily in two flats that formed one house. They shared a decent-sized garden. Indoors they spent as much or as little time together as they wanted. It worked very well for them. A possibility, perhaps, if you want both togetherness and independence. (Two flats must have cost more than one house, but converting one house might be doable.)

tonicwaters · 28/08/2022 10:06

Prince Charles and Camilla live separately and are married.

Original poster
PermanentTemporary · 28/08/2022 10:09

Maybe I'll just break up with him. Problem solved.

[Am joking. Probably. This is too hard]

OP posts:
fghj149 · 28/08/2022 10:09

It’s lovely. He’s the only person I’ve lived with besides my parents I was quite nervous but when you love someone it all comes naturally.
don’t worry ❤️

Billie676 · 28/08/2022 10:32

It's just about risk. It's just that the emotion attached makes it harder to mitigate.

So, if I was your friend I would ask

Do you have similar attitude to finances?
Have you been through stressful situations and can get on board with how he copes?
Are you able to relax together? (Big one for me)
If you had flu for a week and didn't brush your hair, would he not think differently? and make you cups of tea?
Do you have similar humour? Do you get each other?
Do you have ways to handle conflict that work for you?

If you say yes to every answer. Bingo (only joking), but hopefully it's a sign that it could work. If there is doubts, you need to consider them.

There's probably much more, but I would consider these things before moving in, just to check you are comfortable, not to score imperfection points!

zonky · 29/08/2022 10:48

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 28/08/2022 01:26

Surely this isn't why most cohabiting people moved in together? I don't know anyone who moved for financial reasons; all were for love, or stability, or because they wanted children.

Show quote history

And you think they'd really admit to this??

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 29/08/2022 11:35

I love living with my DH. Obviously he does things that irritate me, like putting something in the sink instead of the dishwasher (!), but overall it is a positive experience. He is due home early today, so we have plans to open some wine and sit in the garden....it's nice to have someone to share those things with. But I would imagine that living with a horrible man would be hell on earth, so I know I'm lucky.

Original poster
PermanentTemporary · 29/08/2022 15:06

Well, anyone moving in would make things cheaper. Picking one particular person out of all the possible people would be for other reasons.

Unhelpfully falling back in love with my own house as I declutter for sale. Though maybe it is helpful. Maybe it's telling me something.

OP posts:
Fuzzyhippo · 29/08/2022 18:43

I've never lived with anyone, but some of the stories I've heard has put me off for life. Currently 5 months pregnant and won't be moving with partner of 7 years. Happy living apart and doing things the way I want to