Marriage is crumbling

[Crumblierthanfeta]

The title really should be has crumbled. Feeling like there is no point to life. I’ve been depressed before and picked myself back up again so many times I’ve lost count . You might think that each time I’d get stronger but instead a little bit of me disappears never to be reclaimed.
I’ve got a few close friends but ultimately I feel that nobody truely gives a shit about me(family included). Sadly that is my reality and not depression talking.
MIL constantly undermines me and puts my parenting down, including telling me after having my first that I wasn’t a proper mum since I didn’t deliver naturally. My DH and the DC think the sun shines out of her arse. I don’t need the default mumsnet spiel as I’m safe, I just needed somewhere to vent as I don’t have anyone irl I feel I can turn to.

I think you'd feel better if you didn't have to have much to do with MiL or your STBXH. x

@OldFan if only it was that simple. Almost non existent equity in the house and the rental market where we are is a nightmare.

I know things always seem worse in the middle of the night but I just feel so overwhelmed.
I know that if we separate the dc would be manipulated into staying with DH and the in-laws. The lifestyle he could provide is far better and I know the dc would be swayed into staying with them. He would go for 50:50 as a minimum and no doubt claim I’m not a fit mother to get more. He’s so rude and dismissive to me and everything is done on his terms with me being portrayed as the one constantly in the wrong

Does anyone else feel like this?

Are you really sure that this isn't depression creeping back into your life?
It's hard to feel you have a choice when you are feeling so low and down.
Can you check in with your GP ?
How old are your DC? Are you able to physically take care of them?
I don't know what to say about your MIL - except dismiss every negative thing she says because it's bullshit. Horrible people don't deserve your attention. I hope you find a solution. I was unhappy for years but he left me! Yay - it was hard figuring the financial stuff out but I did. My kids adore their dad too but stayed with me as he moved in with his Gf.
When a friend of mine needed to split she actually sent her friends and family a message asking them if they were willing to each loan her 500 pounds to put towards a deposit on a house to allow her to get a mortgage. About 10 friends responded positively. Its a step in the right direction.
Good luck. Thinking positively-whilst seeming impossible- kept me going. Focus on small things that you think are beautiful- like your child's laughter or a perfect little flower outside.. and make yourself smile- cross your arms over yourself so your hands are holding your back and hug yourself. Have a good cry and let some negative stuff flow away. And then focus on any good stuff you have in your life. thinking of you Xxx

@toogoodforthisworld I’m definitely depressed at the moment but I know for certain it’s not the depression talking when I say that nobody truly cares about me/loves me.
The dc are always well cared for, they are my life. I’m so lucky to have them in my life.

Please find someone to speak to about your depression - winter is coming and i don't think that will help anyones depression. Are you getting enough vitamin d?
Can you try lions mane supplements?

Don't be too sure nobody cares. But even if they don't - you have to (learn to) care about yourself- especially if you want and need others to care about you. Xx
One small step at a kind.

I think you need to leave at some point, the reason being that he isn’t kind to you and his family are also unpleasant. That is not sustainable over a lifetime.
Your 2 hurdles are finance and his parental rights. Less of a hurdle is your loneliness. You can be strong and tackle that once you’re free of him.
Be strong now and seek legal advice if you’re able. I know you’re safe and don’t need to be protected from any violence but you are vulnerable to foul play once he gets wind of your desire to leave. I would therefore suggest that it wouldn’t be the worst idea to get advice from Women’s Aid or similar.

@toogoodforthisworld good call about the vitamin D, it’s been really low in the past so I’ll start on a supplement.

DH is in the office every day next week so I’ll try and make an appt to get some legal advice then as I won’t have to make excuses about where I’m going
@Lunificent he views the DC as his possessions so will not react nicely to me leaving and taking his kids away from him
I think it would be prudent for me to touch base with womens aid. Thanks for the suggestion

It’s the simple things that you miss in an unhappy marriage. It’s a strange feeling living in a busy household yet feeling so incredibly alone.

Had a long chat with a dear friend last night. Was lovely just having a really nice respectful talk to another human. I’m not sure what I’m expecting to change with him but I suppose I just crave what I thought we had at the start of our relationship. The fact I’m fearful about how he will react when I mention separation tells me what I need to know but am struggling to accept.

Everything has been playing on my mind so much so that I spent the whole of last night awake. The youngest dc woke up too which didn’t help. Had my breakfast this morning at 4:30am wondering how best to move forward.
The eldest starts GCSE’s next year, so I really need to get my shit together so that we are separated before then. Otherwise, I feel that I’m trapped until their A-levels are over.
He made such a nasty comment to me last night dressed up as humour, I just walked off. I know that if I try to call him on it he will accuse me of being too serious or too sensitive. It’s strange once I opened my eyes to the way he speaks to me, I can truly say that at times he treats me with nothing short of utter contempt.