Where do lonely people go to talk things through?

[Noonetotalkto22]

nc.

I have no one to talk to about anything deep, serious or emotional. Meme sharing is fine with acquaintances but nothing else.

I’m so wary of posting about my feelings on MN because people get ripped to shreds for not wording things just so or because they feel differently about a situation or scenario to the majority.

The loneliness is really getting to me. I can’t even cry about it. I‘m crying constipated lol

Where do other lovely people talk through things without fear of being attacked, belittled
or having their grammar ridiculed? Wjere
do people speak without judgement and while feeling safe?

*lonely not lovely

Definitely with a good therapist.

If you do want to write stuff here though MN at its best can be incredibly supportive and I think your OP acts as a beacon to let people know how much you are struggling so you might be pleasantly surprised here.

I have found that friends are often ill equipped to deal with significant emotional trauma because previous generations typically swept issues under the rug and most people have had little to no role models for dealing with significant emotional issues.

I second that. It's expensive but if you can afford it (therapy), however brief, you'll probably find it was worth the money. Very, very few of my friends, even those I consider pretty close, want to hear about anything that I'm going through - no matter how awful. And I totally understand what you mean about MN!

I have no one to talk to either. At the suggestion of someone on another thread I looked at the BACP website, read the details of the counsellors and chose one. I emailed her with a summary of my needs and she didn't reply, so now not even counsellors want to talk to me 😕

You’re not alone in feeling like this. I agree about trying a councillor or therapist. I have a brilliant one who helps me see things in a different way. It’s really helpful to have somewhere to put the stuff from my head.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling is another good place to look for a potential talking therapist.

The Samaritans are great to talk things through with. You don't have to be on a cliff edge to call them

Did you email other therapists too? I've experienced this and it feels disheartening. Most recent time I looked for one I emailed about 6 and half replied, one of whom I now see.

OP, I echo PP that speaking to a therapist is hugely helpful. You can say anything.

I have also rung the Mind helpline before, I don't know if there are other ones people would recommend?

For loneliness, my dog has made a huge difference- gets me out and about and saying hello to people at the park/little chats.

Mumsnet can be really lovely and wise and supportive. Just avoid AIBU. Ignore anyone who gets a bee in their bonnet. If someone is struggling, most people are kind and helpful.

I've also actually found my local feminist group really supportive. We don't all know each other that well, but most of us have shared fairly personal stuff in the chats and when we've met in person, and I've just found it really nice as a group of women having solidarity/care for each other.

Thanks all. I can’t afford a therapist and I’m not eligible for NHS because I'm not actually depressed just lonely & a bit hormonal.

Like a few others have mentioned I do have “friends” (using the term with its broadest interpretation) but no one who wants to hear my woes. I’m the ear not the talker. I am in the process of changing that however, and I’m not being there for those who cannot return the favour in even the smallest way.

I read so often on here people saying just do x, y, z - (eg ltb, ditch the friend, go NC with your mother/sister) as if it’s so easy to make big life or relationship changes, especially in the current climate. I often wonder if I’m doing something wrong not finding these options as simple as they’re made out to be. As if relationships aren’t meant to be multidimensional and these decisions don’t cause sacrificial butterfly effects in life.

Sorry I’m just having a brain dump.

I'm definitely not suggesting it easy. It's anything but. I learnt the hard way!

@Daisysunset

Well email a few more! Come on you know that just means she isn’t practising at the moment or is on holiday or whatever. Get on and email 5 or 6, You will need to talk to at least 3 to find the fight fit.

I would second a therapist.
I doubt many of us have friends or family who are sufficiently clued up or no baggage themselves to help.
Depending on your circumstances you may be able to access free or low cost therapy.
There are charities, support organisations that may help.
Failing that you may find self directed support - online CBT, mindfulness, free meditaion, womens' groups or yoga to support your mental health.

You do sound like you have a bit of low mood to be OP. Contact your GP, explain how you at feeling and they will talk you through some questions. People don’t always recognise depression in themselves. They may well be happy to refer you to counselling.

Mind, the Red Cross, Support Line, Meet up Mondays are all organisations that can connect you with community groups, including peer support groups where you can get support from people who are also feeling isolated. If you are over 50 you can also contact age UK.

A green gym or some outdoor volunteering is probably useful as a mood lifter, and also some activities that will help you meet people so you can gradually build more meaningful friendships.

You could also start an escape loneliness thread on here and share tips and progress.

Nowhere. No one’s interested. I’ve tried to take my own life in the past, and people who’ve found out later (not from me) always say ‘you should’ve said something’ or ‘you can get help’. Why would I say something so personal to people who aren’t interested?

Thanks for starting this thread OP. I feel similarly.

I one posted on MN about a problem and got some sound advice but someone also posted ‘this is an odd thread’ or similar. It’s very hard to properly convey what you want to in a concise post. I just gave up.

I wonder if a therapist would listen and advise/help with thought processes? Or would they just nod along while I / their client spoke?

I feel I need a few friends I could be very open with and talk freely, unfortunately I don’t have that, and would never use MN / any internet site for advice again.

Following your thread with interest. Great topic.

As your thread is in relationships it should be a safe space.

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone in a world full of people, it has a horrible impact on your MH and exacerbates problems.

There are some charity groups "alone" I intend to start volunteering after watching a program about the joy having someone to talk too.

Mumsnet reactions to situations are harsh but it is easy to advise going NC from behind a screen whereas relationships aren't black or white.

What about the samaritans?

@EmeraldShamrock1 re ‘As your thread is in relationships it should be a safe space.’ Sorry but this is just the internet. It’s not a ‘safe space’. Sorry to be blunt.

Flyinggeesei234 I am referring to the topic board. OP is less likely to have a hard time posting in relationships.

OP would you consider volunteering.

I know it is often suggested but it feel good spending time with people who have time free to chat.

Sorry to hear you're feeling this way OP. I am lucky in that I do have people close enough to listen to me, and a rare gem that will listen over and over, however, I do exactly the same for them.

If you can afford therapy, then try that, but you do need to gel with someone to get the best from it.

You could try posting in 'health' and 'mental health' people seem to have time to run things through over there.

I hear you OP.

(I also cannot really afford therapy. But I have recently decided to look for one to “get” some brief therapy on ONE issue only, so that hopefully it will not be too expensive. Sometimes there are charities that offer cheaper therapy too. They may also be able to offer ideas. It can be a real hunt for a needle in a haystack though).

I also have a diary! I fill it with my own thoughts and ideas and plans and feelings, it’s an important outlet for me I think. Sometimes it makes interesting reading it back too years, or even months, later.

I have no one else to share my deeper thoughts or concerns with. But in a way I don’t mind. I have more space to think more deeply as a result perhaps.

I’m wary of MN, even Relationships, as you do get some unkind responses. Also, for deeper or complex issues it’s hard really for a stranger to fully understand. Especially, I agree, when circumstances are not straightforward.

social groups could help a bit potentially? Of course I don’t share deeper issues and problems here - but it provides a little pleasant human camaraderie (sometimes nicer than “friends”). I just joined recently. Maybe you could put your toe in the water in a couple of groups and see?

Thanks all. There are a lot of questions so I’ll answer the ones I remember.

Sadly I don’t have time to volunteer. I have 2 ND kids who take up much of my non - work time, work that takes up all of my non-kids time and a partner with adhd who works odd shift patterns that we don’t find out until the week before making regular clubs and groups near impossible for me. The adhd bit is relevant because he leaves chaos wherever he goes so I’m forever trying to tidy up and organise stuff he cannot & deal with all the admin he procrastinated on. I used to go to the gym but post covid I’m so exhausted all the time and we can’t afford it now that the energy bills have rocketed.

As I think I mentioned above a lot of
this is hormonally driven, so my mood definitely is low for two days mid cycle, it certainly doesn’t warrant a GP visit. My mood
may make the feelings of loneliness worse but it isn’t the reason for them. I’m lonely when happy too. My mental health is in a good state, I wouldn’t score enough on the depression or anxiety scales to warrant any support from the nhs. I take HRT and I think some months it does nothing.

There is a charity counselling service that I recently referred a work client to but their waiting list is currently at 18+ months after
covid and their priority is people in mental health crisis. I’m shocked & disappointed that anywhere can leave people in MH crisis for one month let alone 18.

To those who understand, I’m sorry you have experienced this too. If you have poor mental health then please seek support, even as people here have suggested, on the MH boards. I don’t feel like it would be appropriate for me to post there when in general my mental health is quite good.

another PP highlighted nowhere on line is a safe space but certain posts regardless of where they are made really ought to be approached with kindness and consideration.

I definitely recommend trying to see a therapist OP. If you're working, do you have access to an Employee Assistance Program? You can get free counselling through that.

I would say my mental health is quite good, but sometimes I really do feel in despair.

You say even when you're happy you feel lonely? I too feel that way, lonely in a crowd etc. I have traced mine back to where I'm 99% certain it came from, and I did that through a lot of reading.

As for posting on here, I would ignore the 'vipers' as I call them, if you feel 'better' for offloading here, then do so, just remember, you are anonymous, nobody knows you, therefore can only give a response based on what you've written, so take from it what helps you, and remember it is not personal, it is based on the facts presented.

I hope you can find some solace from kindness that can be found here OP.

There is actually some really important detail here. I was in a very similar situation to you in the past I was the sounding board for friends too. No one was really listening to me but I could listen to them easily, without judgement. I remember reading something about active listening and I realised that was my default listening setting.

The problem is that emotional energy is like money, time, etc etc it is a finite resource and it can easily become overwhelmed. Cutting back on being that ear for people all the time saves some of your emotional energy for yourself and helps you to deal with your own emotional issues. It is the equivalent of people coming over to your house and eating all of your food leaving and not enough there for you and you having nothing left to feed yourself when they leave. This people pleading type of behaviour is learned in childhood to cope with an emotionally starving environment.