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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need help, me or her?

7 replies

Geek1983 · 27/08/2022 06:37

Id like some opinions.
Firstly i acknowledge i have trust and jealousy issues, which tend to cause arguments.
Im 39, so is my partner, been together 15+ years, no kids.

My partner drinks alot, not all the time, but will get completely out of her face drunk, ive had to call an ambulance once, and regularly is difficult to understand with slurring. At an event i couldnt find her, got quite worried, she was not overly drunk for a change, but found her tucked away smoking in a corner with another guy, i reactly badly, she said nothing was going on, but i cant stop over thinking. I dont understand the drinking in excess, she refuses to change, we only have sex when shes drunk. So my head believes she gets horny when drunk and i think thats why i worry too much.
Im struggling to understand how to trust someone who is out of control at times? Or is it all just me and being over the top. Im at a loss and considering walking away but i do love her but its killing me inside.

OP posts:
category12 · 27/08/2022 07:03

Split up. She's got a drinking problem, you've got problematic behaviours of your own. It's turning into a toxic mess and you're not bringing out the best in each other.

Then get therapy for your jealousy.

Then start dating again.

category12 · 27/08/2022 07:04

Not each other!

Ragwort · 27/08/2022 07:26

How can you genuinely 'love' someone who behaves like that? Do you really mean that you are so enmeshed that you cannot bear to be on your own? End the relationship and concentrate on building up your self esteem and enjoy your own company.

girlmom21 · 27/08/2022 07:31

There's no issue her smoking with someone. There's a massive issue with her regularly being so drunk you can't understand her.

PersonaNonGarter · 27/08/2022 07:34

This is insecurity arising from her drinking. The relationships doomed because of her drink problem. I’d leave now.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 27/08/2022 09:41

She needs to stop drinking like that. She may need counselling and/ or help from her Gp. Good for you if you decide to help her. But if she won’t make an effort, you need to reconsider whether you want to live with that the rest of your life.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/08/2022 09:43

You should be running away from her, not walking.

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