First night in new place after break up - really struggling

[Charlie1995]

Hi!
First time poster on mumsnet but long time lurker… I’ve read a lot of threads similar to my situation but felt I should post my own story and get more personal advice. The reason I want advice here from strangers is because the response I’m getting from friends and family is just ‘fck him’ ‘you can do better’ ect and I don’t feel like I can break down around anyone, I’ve always been so strong and together.

So dp left me 2 weeks ago today, he said he loves me but isn’t in love with me anymore, and that he’s felt that way for a while. He’s been nothing but cold and awful to me since the break up, and now that I’ve moved out and collected all my things, that’s it. No contact ever again. He’s blocked me everywhere, my phone number, WhatsApp, social media… ect. He says he loves me and will for a long time, but we are done and that’s it, and that’s why he needs to block me everywhere and be done.

All of this has been a huge shock, I’m 28 and we were trying for a baby when he left me. My whole future and everything I knew is gone. I made the decision to stay living in the area and today I moved into a flat by myself (do and I live 100 miles from my hometown where all my friends and family are) but I have my dream job here which I worked so hard to get, and I want to be strong and not leave my job and move away again because of this breakup, but it’s so hard when I have no support system or friends around me. I have friends at work but no one I’m close with.

I suppose I’m still in denial over the break up and just want it all to be okay, but I know he’s not coming back and I want to have more self respect than be so desperate over a man who is no longer in love with me and has cut me off so viciously. It’s my first night in my new place, I bought myself a bottle of Prosecco to try and celebrate a new start but I’m currently sat here at 12:30am drinking it and crying. I don’t want this, I just want him. And I can’t see things getting better, I can’t see myself being with anyone but him.

To add to everything, I can barely afford to survive with the cost of living alone and I am going to struggle so much and most likely have to get rid of my car to cut that cost. I just feel like my life has gone backwards and this is a mess, and I what none of it.

Is there anyone awake who is reading my ramble who can offer some support and advice? And any positive stories of starting over and falling in love and settling down after such heartbreak?

Thank you <3

It will hurt and probably a lot.
You will get through it.
One day you will realise that it was for the best.
Get through each day a few minutes at a time.

He's done the right thing in blocking you. Do the same to him.
It's over, you weren't right for each other.

Make sure you eat, and don't drink too much.

You love the man you think he is, not the man he actually is.

Your boyfriend was cheating on you. He fed you the classic Script. He's done you a massive favour, you just can't see it right now. Take one day at a time and you'll be fine.

Try to keep busy, and keep up with your friends, hobbies and do some exercise.
It's a good time of year to think about evening classes and the like.

I think that there's nothing to beat yourself up over feeling the way you do, right now, when the reality of the break up is so immediate.

Do you have anyone, friends or family, who could come and visit you this weekend?

Other woman was my first thought too, but I was trying to be gentle.

I'm in a very similar situation to you but a bit older. It just sucks tbh. Let yourself cry about it.

I've found that living alone isn't as bad as I thought it would be though so you might feel better in a few weeks. I definitely do a bit.

Look up The Script. It will explain a lot.
Generally, men don't get out of a relationship unless there's another one to get into. He's probably been future-faking, and it will seem like he's switched off his affection like turning off a tap.
There have probably been signs (red flags) but you won't have noticed them because you being the boiling frog.
It's not you, it's him.

Don't blame yourself, and don't try to make sense of it now.
You'll get through this.

Sending you a big hug, it's shit what's happened to you just be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes try and stay away from alcohol it will only make things feel worse.

link to thread on The Script

FWIW, a few years ago I was in your position but much older. I barely remember that piece of scum now.

The first 2 or 3 weeks is the hardest but soon you'll feel a bit better each day. He's done you a favour with no contact as it will help you heal quicker. Take care of yourself, since small things to help yourself feel safe and secure. You'll get there!

You've done the right thing to hold on to your job , focus on that and doing as well as you can and looking after yourself physically. The rest will heal and if he wasn't right for you then at this stage be glad you don't have a baby to him. You are young still and your future is very open.
Maybe start looking for dream job or next step job in home town and go back with your head held high xxx

It's painful now, but it will get better.

Do nice things for yourself (avoid booze like the plague, it makes low mood worse). Make your new place beautiful and explore your new neighbourhood.

Give it time. You have lots of good things ahead in your life, it's just a setback

Allow yourself some time to feel shit.

You're grieving at the moment and it really really hurts.

You will, gradually start to feel better about it and then you'll start to get over it, and eventually, you WILL be fine.

It's actually good that he's blocked you. You don't want to see what he's up to right now, you really don't.

Concentrate on your job and make your flat as lovely as you can.

I've been there OP and I feel for you but I'm out the other side now and very, very happy.

Lots of luck and love 💐

You will get there @Charlie1995 . Joining a running group helped me make new friends in my area. I found them on my local FB group. It was free, it is great for unwinding and wearing you out and the people are really friendly.

Is there a work friend that you could arrange to go for a coffee with? Any friends or family that will come for a visit?