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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My Mum never defends me / take my side

3 replies

zoolu85 · 26/08/2022 23:33

My Mum can never seem to defend me or have my back. This is a really big trigger for me as when I was a child I got bullied by my step Dad from the age of around 7 to 18 when I left home. She was fully aware of this and used to confront my step Dad who denied it but that was about it. It’s only at the age of 40 my step Dad has admitted everything and apologised. When I was 4 I was sexually abused by a relative. I told my Mum, she confronted the person who denied it and it was swept under the carpet and we still had regular contact with this person until I was 18 when I reported it to the police. This has lead to me feeling like she didn't protect me as a child and really let down.
Now when any situation arises within the family, she never defends me or has my back. Im not asking her to defend me if Im wrong but she always sits on the fence and just says she’s not getting involved. Ive had therapy in the past and the advice was to tell my Mum exactly how I feel and how every time this happens it triggers all these emotions going back to childhood but yet she cant seem to support me in anything.

OP posts:
Sapphirensteel · 27/08/2022 03:07

How old are you now? Do you feel you can go no contact with your mother?
Mine was similar to yours in lots of ways and it took me a long time to realise just how abnormal and awful she was and go NC. Made life a whole lot better.

AgentJohnson · 27/08/2022 17:39

This is who she is and she probably won’t change. Decisions you make about how to protect your mh has to bare that in mind.

ButterflyOfShay · 27/08/2022 17:41

I have family like this. I found the only way to protect my sanity was NC them all. Good luck x

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