No sex after birth - is this normal and will our marriage survive?

[Tiredmama789]

My husband didn’t want sex while I was pregnant as he didn’t like the fact that there was a baby in there. I had a traumatic birth and since our baby was born (she’s 3 months) we’ve attempted to have sex once but she woke up so we had to stop.

a mixture of exhaustion with taking care of our baby, my husband not helping with any housework at all etc and me constantly bleeding still since birth means we aren’t having sex and my libido is just shot.

he never initiates or even seems bothered as he is tired also, but it’s also making me feel really undesirable and unattractive and is making me not want to initiate. Before pregnancy I had a very high sex drive so always initiated, but now with me not initiating we aren’t. At the same time I don’t want to.

I guess what I’m asking is - is this normal?

Definitely normal!

3 months is very very early days especially after a traumatic birth.

We've only done it once and baby is almost 4 months and also a second baby.

My sex drive is pretty crap also but breastfeeding does that!

"He doesn’t do house work, he won’t cook any meals or even make me a drink. Refuses to do washing up and doesn’t clean. I stupidly thought it would change when baby was here but it hasn’t and because he helps me sometimes with the baby he thinks he is doing enough. We have argued about this to the point there’s nothing else for me to say as he won’t change.

he has a massively stressful and physical job so that’s his excuse but I don’t believe anyone in the most stressful of jobs can’t even be bothered to make their wife a cup of tea."

LTB. I'm not joking.

The sex thing sounds pretty normal I would say
as for the rest, what @category12 says

He doesn’t do house work, he won’t cook any meals or even make me a drink. Refuses to do washing up and doesn’t clean.

I have a 5mo and I honestly don't know how you function raising a baby and having to do all of the above by yourself. I am fortunate to have a partner who does pretty much all the cooking and cleaning, but if he didn't I honestly don't know how we would eat or keep the house tidy.

Your husband needs to step up MASSIVELY.

@Tiredmama789 I could written this post 🙋🏼‍♀️
Firstly, bleeding this long is ok, mine started to slow down a bit around now but I still bled lightly until around 6m post partum so don't worry about that.
My DH also did not want to have sex when I reached around 20 odd weeks for the same reasons as yours. I created a post on here and got the responses from many that that's common.
We started having sec once I'd stopped bleeding so when LO was 6m really and although it's nowhere near as much as we did pre baby, we do try to do this weekly, if not fortnightly now. Finding the time is the hardest part really, we're both tired, both work full time and I'm also doing a degree so most my evenings are doing this.
He also isn't the most helpful around the house. He will do DIY no problem, but he'll step over a wash load and leave washing up. Sometimes he'll cook but rarely, and only if I ask him.
I suppose we've done this to ourselves really, getting on and doing everything ourselves up until now but it's only when you have a baby does it make you realise how little they actually contribute.
Sometimes I'll just refuse to do the housework unless he helps me, and he reluctantly will. But he's not proactive.
His mum was a single parent to 5 and she blames herself because the boys came first and she did everything for them, whereas when the girls grew up they got involved with housework etc
So I vow to get DS helping me out from a young age so it's imbedded to know he must pull his weight with things like this

He will make me a tea without being asked though I must say that.
That's just un thoughtful of your DH. And even worse if he does his own and not you one. Just spiteful

Difficult to instill the value of equal housework for boys when their example is sitting on his arse while mum does it.

Yes, normal. It's only 3 months!!!

Lack of help with housework will lead to resentment and then you won't want to have sex with him anyway

Yes. It's temporary and will recover.

Omg yes! We tried to have sex at about 3 and a half months it was awful. TMI but can wipe my bum after a poo and without pain now and am due off so we’re only just talking about trying again … having sex that is not for a baby 😂 that’ll be 5.5/6 months. I was so I’ll and he didn’t feel comfortable having sex when I was pregnant either so as long as you’re both comfortable please don’t pressure yourself. It’ll happen xxx