Abuse survivors – how do you disclose?

[dumbstruckdumptruck]

I've been with my DP for 6 years, and I'm in therapy for a lot of things I went through in my childhood and early 20s.

One of the things I experienced was a very abusive relationship in my early 20s that nobody in my life knows about. I've never told anyone what went on, including my therapist (yet). DP knows I was in an abusive relationship, but has never asked about it – he's the type not to press for sensitive information, and I appreciate that but I also kind of wish he would, just so I have an excuse to get it out. I wish someone would ask.

It feels uncomfortable to know that my DP doesn't know some of these things about me – I know he's not owed the information, but it sits oddly with me that something so fundamental to who I am is not yet on the table between us.

Those of you who have been through abuse and whose partners know the details – how have you brought it up with your partners?

It's not the kind of thing I want to 'ruin' a nice time with, but the time never seems right to just bring it up out of nowhere.

This is so difficult. I have a similar, although different situation in that I am a CSA survivor and I feel like its a secret between myself and people I know. Especially if I meet new friends, it's hard to know how/when to bring it up, but I'm so desperate for people to know such an important and informative thing about me.

Honestly, I'm not sure what the answer is. Bring it up with your therapist first perhaps to get a handle on what to say.

When I told my (now) husband about this, I made sure I had an opening couple of lines to trot out, to get the conversation moving. I practiced saying them out loud, and then once I had broken the ice with that, the rest followed naturally.

I do wish you luck xxx

Thanks @Doodlebud - I appreciate you sharing. I don't want to tell friends or anyone new in my life, really, which should take the pressure off. But DP is another matter...

Did you set aside a specific time to tell your DH, or wait for a relevant moment?

And yes, talking about it with my therapist first is good advice. I'll do that, thank you.

I’m CSA survivorand I let my partners know slowly. Mine was my father and my starter (when asked why I have no relationship with him) is just to say that he’s not the sort of father for a young girl. I leave it there with no further comment. It then allows for more discussions at a later time and slowly slowly some (but not all) details can come.
only you know when is a good time, but trust your gut instinct. It will rarely let you down as to the right timing.