Long story. I'll start from the beginning.
When my baby was 4 months old I caught my husband messaging someone from work. It wasn't particularly romantic but it crossed lines. I felt humiliated because it was clear everyone in the office knew of his crush. I was most definitely suffering PPD and I kicked him out to live with his mum. Before he went there he was apologetic. Since then he was 'I'm allowed female friends' 'I did nothing wrong' etc. Background is his mum and I are just different people. I went to uni and had big aspirations and knew what I wanted from life. They've always lived more modest which is fine, but also borderline alcoholics with lots of DA on both sides. As soon as she found out my career it was as if she wrote me off.
Anyway, I don't even know how we ended up back together. I can tell you he didn't fight for me, it was probably just easier to be together than it was to sell up etc.
Queue my birthday 11 months later and he said some mean things to me and I literally spent my whole day alone. I cooked an oven meal and he took himself out for a drive. He started saying he didn't know if he loved me and I gave him an ultimatum. That if he still felt that way after Xmas then were done because this is no way to live.
He did make an effort and apologised and told me he doesn't want to break up and planned some nice bits.
Feb 2022 I'm accidently pregnant.
Present day, we have sex very little and I've just had an 'off' feeling.
On Wednesday he tested positive for covid. He had all the symptoms and before getting in our bed I told him he should do a test in case we need to stay separate (I have a consultants appt I don't want to miss and probably will if positive). Anyway he didn't I've spent 2 nights in an uncomfortable bed, up and down the hallway settling our toddler whilst he's had meals and shopping handed to him on a plate.
Last night as I'm scrolling on social media on one of the million times I'm awake, I see his mum has shared something for the girl he was messaging all that time ago.
Today I test positive so there's no point staying separate. I was so looking forward to just an hour in my own bed for a nap, but nothing. Toddlers whining, but he ignores it, forgets to offer toddler dood or drink so I have to step in.
He goes inside with the toddler to get them a drink (my suggestion obviously) and disappears for 5 mins or so. I go upstairs for a wee and think I'll get into my bed, but no DH and toddler are in there watching tele. Apparently its not his fault, he's not psychic how would he know I want an hour in bed etc etc. Anyway, he still forgets to offer her food and drink so I'm still there feeding toddler and offering drinks. He takes toddler downstairs at 5.45. I have to message at 6.20 that it's bedtime. He's doing bedtime at 6.45 and I ask where her milk is 'don't know'. So again he's not offered her anything to drink in over an hour. She also has covid.
Every day is the same. I'm always reminding him to do everything for the toddler, feeding the toddler whixh I find particularly stressful because they're an awful eater but he never steps In to help. We've had a massive argument by text as he's waiting for the toddler to settle because I'm fucking sick of it. Sick of the disrespect his family show me, sick of the disrespect he shows me, sick of doing everything everyday with no help or input unless I prompt him.
I know I'm not happy. I know I should leave. But I can't. Cost of living crisis and maternity pay coming up means I probably wouldn't be able to buy a house and I couldn't take the mortgage on on my own. Toddler would need to leave nursery because I wouldn't be able to afford that either. I literally feel stuck and will be for at least the next year until I'm back at work and who knows what state the economy will be in. I'm crying in the living room and I can hear him say in the kitchen 'fucking pathetic'.
Toddler gas just woke up crying already. I ask him where the baby monitor is and he says he gave it to me. Probably when I was crying so he didn't see and when I told him I'm not psychic and he should tell me next time he's giving it to me (which by the way, what a fucking surprise that it's my responsibility) and he called me a psycho on my way out.