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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Would you find this hurtful?

13 replies

iamhurtingheart · 26/08/2022 18:59

Long term boyfriend and I are having problems. We have broken up a few times in the past weeks.

Anyway last week I went over, as planned, and the idea was for me to stay a couple of nights - Friday night then off early on Sunday. He asked me to leave Saturday afternoon as he wanted time to himself. I was tired and hadn't slept much the night before, and I live over an hour away.

I was fuming, hurt and rejected, so I left and blocked him. I know it's the right decision, as he has treated me so poorly. But now I am at the stage of missing him, a week on, and wondering if I did the right thing. I blocked him on my phone but didn't on emails, so he could message on there if he wanted to apologise. But I haven't heard anything.

I did the right thing, right?

OP posts:

GiselleRose · 26/08/2022 19:03

Are you sure he didn’t go out on Saturday night? I don’t think this sounds like a relationship that has a future.

Original poster

iamhurtingheart · 26/08/2022 19:08

I highly doubt he went out. He spends a lot of time on his own, to the point where I think it is a problem. He doesn't have many friends and his family aren't nearby. He is alone, most of the time, I know this for a fact. I call at random times and he's always at home.

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 26/08/2022 19:14

You did the right thing in ending communication with him, yes, because the relationship was dead in the water. But people are allowed to change their minds about the time they spend with you.

obsessedwithsleep · 26/08/2022 19:16

Honestly I find ending a long term relationship by just blocking someone really weird. In fact blocking someone because you're angry is a weird and immature thing to do imo.

Having said that, he behaved unkindly and you have every right to be hurt.

Malie · 26/08/2022 19:17

Why on earth do you set yourself up to get hurt? Sounds a right self-obsessed plonker. Just break up with him and have done with it. Get a life.

Twiglets1 · 26/08/2022 19:19

You did the right thing. He isn’t very invested in the relationship to let you walk away angry and to not have apologised. You know this in your heart but breakups are hard.

Original poster

iamhurtingheart · 26/08/2022 19:19

obsessedwithsleep I would never block someone in normal situations, but he has behaved so awfully, this was the final straw...he didn't speak to me for weeks at one point, for no fault of my own. I felt it was so rude, asking me to leave, when I had left him all alone and he has massive house, I could have chilled (and was chilling) in another room to him. It just felt like a big rejection, he has form for asking me to leave, and I find it rude.

OP posts:

Original poster

iamhurtingheart · 26/08/2022 19:19

Thanks all, this is what I need to hear in these moments of weakness.

OP posts:

minticecreamisjustok · 26/08/2022 19:20

If he can't stand to be around you for a couple of days and then cutting it short, he isn't the man you're going to settle down with anyway.

DatingDinosaur · 26/08/2022 19:21

When you left did you tell him it was over between you? If not, then blocking him was a bit OTT, imho. He's probably bewildered as to why you've done that and his male pride won't let him email you.

If someone blocked me just because I’d asked them to leave a day earlier I’d assume it was over. I wouldn’t try to contact them because they might think I was being stalkerish. Plus, I'd be thinking "well bollocks to you then pillock". I’d be left thinking they were pretty immature for blocking me with no warning and that I’d probably dodged a bullet, with hindsight.

You may have shot yourself in the foot OP.

Marotte · 26/08/2022 19:23

Yes, yes you did. Block on email too.

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 26/08/2022 19:23

You did the right thing. Try to distract yourself so you don't go back

ImpartialMongoose · 26/08/2022 19:24

Yes, you did the right thing. In my personal experience, getting back together after breaking up has never worked out. And the people I know who did get back together after breaking up are not happy in their relationships. The pain of breaking up is sometimes so bad that getting back together relieves it's intensity, but it's a short term solution: long term, the issues are still there. Then what can happen is that one person will give up their needs and blame themselves for the problems, that way they stay in control of the relationship, and maintaining its longevity. But this is a long slow route into permanent dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Better to feel the pain of the break up intensely for a shorter amount of time and then be free to find a relationship that works. Or not be in one at all if you are happier that way.

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