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Original poster

Dating.. What's okay?

14 replies

Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/08/2022 16:34

New relaly to dating.. Been on a few for a few months. What would you expect to be doing for dates? Would you expect to both suggest date ideas?
I earn okay happy to split dates 50:50 so pay my own way all the time or pay for a childminder for an evening out.

OP posts:
mycatisannoying · 26/08/2022 17:08

Yes, I would expect that both of us make the effort when suggesting what to do on dates. Even if it's just booking a restaurant for a meal or deciding which pub to go.
I don't like lazy, passive men who expect me to do all the work.

Original poster
Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/08/2022 17:12

Yes it infuriates me. I like doing stuff and don't care if its free... Even a let's check out this new gallery or walk and I'll bring the cofee or picnic is fine!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/08/2022 18:04

But also is it normal not to be able to afford to go out for dinner or for a day out nowadays?

OP posts:
DenholmElliot1 · 26/08/2022 18:06

Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/08/2022 18:04

But also is it normal not to be able to afford to go out for dinner or for a day out nowadays?

No it's not normal. If you're on a dating website it's reasonable to assume that you are actually on there to date and that means having the money to go out for dinner, drinks and days out.

People who are on there who don't have the money to go out aren't actually looking for dates are they? They're looking for sex.

Original poster
Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/08/2022 18:18

That's my assumption too tbhh. Met a few who are happy to meet for coffee or to cook for me with nothing on menu sex wise but can't afford to eat out or go places. It's a bit strange.

OP posts:
twoqueens · 26/08/2022 18:20

Obviously there are people who can't afford to go out on expensive dates.
But because I can (or rather I prioritise spending money on dating rather than say going on holiday) then I personally would only date someone who had the same ability to pay their way.

Otherwise it's just Netflix and chill, which is great once in a relationship - but not before.

minticecreamisjustok · 26/08/2022 18:23

Don't date if they can't match you for the same interests such as a day out or restaurant, you want to be on the same level enough to be both able to afford the dates.

Original poster
Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/08/2022 18:24

What is an expensive date? To me it's a posh resturnat type thing or weekend away.

Going out for a pizza or for cinema or to a national trust place or similar it's about 20 quid max if only pay for yourself! That once a week and a netflicks night the other would be fine

OP posts:
Original poster
Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/08/2022 18:25

Yes I agree matching levels seems sensible. Tbh I'm a bit confused about how you can date if nit date eg suggest free or cheap options and make them fun is fine, but not just come over and watch TV

OP posts:
OldFan · 26/08/2022 18:28

That's my assumption too tbhh. Met a few who are happy to meet for coffee or to cook for me with nothing on menu sex wise but can't afford to eat out or go places. It's a bit strange.

@Pleaseaddcaffine It could be that they go on quite a few dates with different people so can't spend a lot on each one. Or let's face it it means they're not investing anything in getting to know a woman much.

Coffee or a drink is ok for a first date I think as it lets people decide if there's any spark/compatibility at all, inexpensively (though a video chat can also do that.)

Obviously there are people who can't afford to go out on expensive dates.

@twoqueens There are a lot of places to eat that are fairly inexpensive or moderately priced, so it's affordable, at least if someone doesn't do it all the time. I have a disability and am unable to work but I still like to go out for a meal and can budget for it. I mightn't waste it on a random date unless I already knew I liked the guy's company, though.

OldFan · 26/08/2022 18:34

@Pleaseaddcaffine Yep I wouldn't do dates that were just doing stuff at the person's home, at least not for quite a while. For a start, I don't want to have sex outside marriage now, and if you're both sat there alone in private it's putting oneselves in temptation's way.

Original poster
Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/08/2022 19:39

Sex before marriage when dating dosnt bother me! But I'd like to actually date and do things

OP posts:
caringcarer · 26/08/2022 19:43

Cinema, bowling, swimming, meal out even a pub meal once a week and a walk around lake, coffee, Netflix and home cooked meal another night seems ok to me. Also inviting another couple over for home cooked meal and perhaps a game of pictionary or similar.

Original poster
Pleaseaddcaffine · 26/08/2022 19:49

Yep.. Glad you agree. I'm absolutly fine in a few times and out once a week.

But less than that aka no melas out or cinema or bowling or pool or naything feels odd. Glad its not just me!

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