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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

If your partner did this how would you feel, an I being sensitive ?

30 replies

Kitei · 26/08/2022 09:10

Muttered ‘how dare you’ under his breath… asked him a few times what he said as it wasn’t clear, then when he told me, he said what he’d said, I asked what he was referring to and he said work, I then spent ages chatting with him about who had bothered him at work and it later emerges that he said it in relation to me… because I’d apparently done something that day …then asked if he wanted to have dinner outside in garden as it was sunny. I’d no idea hw was so furious with me and can’t fathom he would then do something like that?!

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 26/08/2022 16:29

AldiLidlDeeDee · 26/08/2022 15:49

Yes, I agree that the poor communication started with him being an arsehole.

It’s not her job to notice he’s feeling pissed off, fgs. If there’s an issue, he needs to clearly state what the problem is at the time it happens, not hours later.

Anyone silently festering anger with that passive aggressive muttering nonsense would be clearly told to ‘Fuck off!’ very loudly by me. I refuse to put up with grown men and women who clearly like to sulk.

What about the fact she'd been in a bad mood and was demanding and rude to him all day?

Wouldn't you think it was reasonable for him to he pised off? If someone had Ben rude to you all day, would you really comfort them about it? I wouldn't. People who are in a bad mood and being arsenal don't generally take it kindly when it's pointed out to them.

So I think it was probably the OP who 'started it' by being an arsehole. He just didn't appreciate it. And who would?

PiecesofFive · 27/08/2022 03:22

You sound so mis matched, I've got imagery going off in my head, him with the ultra polite 'how dare you' in response to you being rude and demanding.

Sounds like somthing out of Educating Rita, or a Noel Coward type flouncing off, whist you are oblivious to the tirade you've just put him through.

Carry on I need more details, I love confusing posts.

How dare you, love it.

Andromachehadabadday · 27/08/2022 04:05

So you were a twat all day. Then decided you were going to be bright and breezy?

I think if dp was a twat to me then tried to pretend it hadn’t happened I would be thinking ‘what the fuck? How dare you try and pretend everything is ok when you have been a twat all day’ and I would say it out loud.

So many people here think it’s a sign of him being potentially abusive. But op admits to be a twat then, brushing over it and pretending everything is fine (which abusers often do) then him muttering but not wanting to admit it, then op pushing and pushing. But him still not wanting to admit it, to him eventually admitting it because she kept pushing. If anyone sounds potentially abusive, it’s op.

Josette77 · 27/08/2022 04:44

My ex was abusive and would behave like you.
Be rude and angry all day and then flip the script and expect me to be bright and cheerful. If I wasn't I would be the bad guy.

Mothership4two · 27/08/2022 05:10

This could be just one of those little relationship/marriage blips, but I have to say the asked him a few times / I then spent ages sounds more like an interrogation (and maybe why he only muttered?). How did you then respond to him OP? That would be quite telling as is the I’d apparently done something that day and apparently I had been really demanding and rude when you knew full well you had been. Other people don't have to get it in the neck because you are having an awful awful time - that's not OK.

Muttering ‘how dare you’ under your breath seems pretty tame IMO

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